


You Kinda Make Me Wanna Die

by orphan_account



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Crushes, Fashion & Couture, Fluff and Angst, Girl!Jeonghan, M/M, Social Media, Unrequited Crush, seungkwan is a fashion design major, vernon is a photography major
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-10-17 09:35:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10591284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Everything about him makes Seungkwan want to throw himself off a cliff: the hype-beast clothes, the camera he always has dangling from his neck like he's about to take a picture of everything at every moment, his lazy laugh and the fact that he's maybe like, really fucking straight. And Seungkwan is not. At all.A.K.A: Seungkwan is a fashion design major at uni and Vernon takes photos of him and is the opposite of an asshole (most of the time)  whilst Seungkwan tries hard to hate him (spoiler alert: he can't), (he won't), (he hates himself for it).* updates r slow bc im a lazy piece of shit lmao im sssssssssorrrrrry *





	1. 1 - in class.

**Author's Note:**

> IT'S LIKE .. mostly dialogue ngl  
> Anyways, I hope u needed this as much as i did. the verkwan tag is lacking lol
> 
> P.s. Vernon is a photog major !! Has 30k followers on tumblr and posts like emo lyrics and pics lol and Seungkwan is like famous on IG bc of his fashion
> 
> P.p.sl i swear a lot !! which means there's lots of swearing - u have been warned lol

Seungkwan has no clue what he's doing as he slides into the booth behind Vernon's, wearing glasses big enough to hide his whole face whilst also clutching the drinks menu in front of him to make sure he's extra unrecognisable to anyone.

He can hear them talking, Vernon's husky laugh rings in his ears and reminds Seungkwan how much he hates himself for doing this - following the cute guy in his photography class into a restaurant who is most obviously on a date. Seungkwan ruffles his blonde hair and sighs loudly, pulling the sleeves of his striped turtleneck to cover his hands in order to distract himself of the fact that he can now hear the giggle of the dumb girl who has also probably fallen for Vernon's ass too. He shudders in remorse.

He can't resist spying on them a little more; their conversation is hardly audible and Seungkwan is kind of glad about that - he doesn't think he could handle it if he found Vernon flirting with a girl, he wants just a little, a little, hope that he's not just a heterosexual hype beast. Curiosity gets the better of him and he plans a fool-proof mission: to walk past and accidentally drop his keys in front of their booth and listen as nonchalantly as possible to whatever ugly shit they're both laughing about.

He slides on the squeaky sofa and starts his plan. He drops his keys perfectly and with well acquired grace. "-so do you think you can come round Friday?" He hears her sickly sweet voice as he stops to bend down for his keys. He feels like the protagonist of a cheesy chick-flick, with all this 'bending-down in front of your crush', it's enough to make him want to never watch Legally Blonde again

"Sorry, I can't I-" Vernon begins and then stops as he notices the boy going to pick up his keys in a rather robot-like manner and stares at him, his eyebrow quirking at the sight. The loud clack of Seungkwan's big-ass glasses making contact with the ground makes the owner cringe. _Shit_.

"Hey," Vernon smiles at him. Seungkwan can't help but turn around to make sure it's him he's speaking to - he's never spoken to Vernon before and he would have been glad to continue that way for forever.

"Uh, hey?' It comes out more like a question. Seungkwan stuffs his glasses in his pocket and fiddles with his septum - he normally loves attention but when the girl sitting opposite Vernon is staring at Seungkwan like she's planning to skewer him and roast him alive, he'd rather spend the rest of his life as a monk. Maybe then God will love him and at least make something good happen in the realms of his love life.

"I'm so glad you're here," Vernon turns his face towards the bronzed brunette opposite him and ignores her prominent scowl, 'sorry, I gotta go." He slides out hurriedly and grabs Seungkwan's arm tightly, practically dragging him out of the little restaurant. _What the fuck._

The spring air nips Seungkwan's skin and he brings the sleeves over his hands once again, out of habit this time.

"What just happened?"

"You just saved me," Vernon lets go of Seungkwan once they're a couple of metres away from the restaurant and are standing under a patch of sun. "Also, don't think I didn't notice you following me in there wearing those big ass glasses. You make it too obvious," he laughs like he's making fun of Seungkwan but he's also thankful for the weird encounter.

"Oh."

"Lol."

"Did you just say lol out loud? Oh my god I'm leaving," Seungkwan fakes throwing up and Vernon laughs wholeheartedly. "You keep laughing, it's making everything more awkward."

Vernon stuffs his hands awkwardly into his sweatpants, "I don't know what else to say,"

"Forget this ever happened," Seungkwan feels his cheeks and they're basically hotter than the coffee he had burnt his tongue on earlier (which he only ordered to prevent himself from looking like a lonely twat in a booth all by himself.) "Ugh, I hate this," he begins inching away awkwardly from the boy wearing a thrasher hoodie - _bro, does he even skate_? Seungkwan scoffs. _Probably_.

"I'm gonna go now,"

"Go,"

Vernon waves awkwardly - god, everything is awkward: "I'll see you in photography class, Seungkwan." He even fucking winks. _Forgive him baby Jesus, I know you didn't die for this_.

He wants death, preferably now and preferably as painful as possible. Vernon knows who he is. Seungkwan had liked photography class - it was basically just taking pictures of random shit and learning about exposure and the 'importance of setup' but now, he suddenly wants to drop it and become heterosexual. Boys are the worst; Vernon is the worst - why was he so cute and good at taking pictures?

 

 

~~~

 

 

Seungkwan had to drink 3 cans of RedBull to hype himself up for his 11 a.m photography class. He had spent the night FaceTiming his friend Wonwoo (another fashion design major who is an expert in colour-matching and exceptionally good at being unfunny) bugging him on potential outfits to wear because quote unquote, "This is a _crisis_ , Jeon Wonwoo. You're the only friend I have that can critique my outfit choices. Wake up, for fuck's sake."

He walks into the lecture hall wearing checkered trousers and a beret, looking like a trendy chef. He twiddles with his septum ring some more, the cold metal twisting in his fingers and he almost forgets how to walk as he trips on his Vans. He cringes and hopes no one noticed until he hears the familiar raspy laugh coming from his right.

He avoids eye contact and sits on the left side of the lecture room but he guesses that Vernon is persistent on trying to annoy him as he gathers his books and takes a seat next to him, face all smug with his camera dangling from his neck. Seungkwan kind of wants to jump on him and also kind of wants to smother him. They haven't talked for more than 10 minutes and Seungkwan already thinks that whatever relationship they're beginning to develop should wilt and die.

"Hey," Vernon whispers, cocking his head to the side to face Seungkwan. He's wearing a beanie and a hoodie - proper white-boy clothing that Seungkwan can't seem to avoid whenever he roams the campus for guys to hit on. He hates that.

"Hi," he decides to speak to him.

"So, a beret huh?"

"Yeah? It's a fashion statement, okay? Stop giving me that look - I'm a fashion design major,' he messes with his frizzy bleached ends and Vernon notices that that's a habit of his - along with the sleeve-thing and the nose-piercing-thing.

Vernon nods his head in understanding, "Aren't berets like, cultural appropriation?"

Seungkwan finds himself laughing and punching Vernon's shoulder which earns him a look from the professor who's rambling on about natural light and nature or whatever - Seungkwan doesn't really care, in all honesty.

He waits a minute before replying: "I think she hates us,"

"No, she hates you. I'm like, her best student," Vernon does all these weird gestures with his hands as he speaks.

Seungkwan hums sarcastically in response, " _Right_ , whatever you say,"

It's the end of the class soon enough and Seungkwan can feel himself scuttling out the room: he hates being nice but Vernon is actually not at all like what he thought he'd be like, which is a good thing and a bad thing. Good because wow, Seungkwan loves him and bad because well, Seungkwan loves him. He knows he's just been friend zoned and he also knows that Vernon is pretty much straight but, Seungkwan likes him. A lot.

Seungkwan heads back to his dorm to sleep off the RedBull for an hour or two as he has around 2 hours before needing to head over to his next class so he plops himself on his bed, sprawling himself lazily with his face smushed against his pillow. He probably just got a bunch of make-up on it but Seungkwan enjoys the silence and stillness of his room - he completely forgot how much energy social interactions use up and he sinks even further into his unmade covers.

Wonwoo texts him. _"How did it go, Boo?"_

He quickly types up _: "my longest sigh ever >:-(( bake me cookies ???????? :) xxxx"_

_"Only if you tell me everything. I'll be round at 8 with chicken."_

He receives another text a few seconds after.

_"And cookies."_

 

 

~~~

 

 

  
The next month is a blur. Seungkwan keeps turning up to class 5 minutes early and is starting to bring Vernon cans of RedBull because he can't help but notice the poor boy falling asleep and clinging onto his backpack as neck support every other lesson. His crush on him is so ugly it's almost beautiful. Almost.

Vernon speaks to him for the first time in weeks as soon as he enters the familiar lecture room that has some unnecessary a/c on at all times that drones on in the background and makes Seungkwan want to smack his head against _something_.

Vernon looks Seungkwan up and down, grabs his camera lamely hanging down his neck and grins.

"Very nice, Seungkwan Boo," he makes Seungkwan grin and do a little spin on the spot - without tripping over this time. "You are serving A-star looks today,"

"Today? As if I don't everyday,"

"Mind if I take a picture?" A blush creeps on Vernon's cheeks.

Seungkwan shakes his head and gestures to his magic combo: fishnets under ripped boyfriend jeans and a white T. "Does it match your," he scrunches his nose up, preparing to say the word, " _aesthetic_?" Vernon retracts his face from his camera and gives Seungkwan that look of disgust and disappointment.

"Oh god don't say that word," Vernon matches his grimace, "It's so overused by 12 year olds on Tumblr,"

"The awkward moment when that's you," Seungkwan laughs at him.

"I'm offended. I have thirty thousand followers on Tumblr," Vernon fixes his beanie and scratches the back of his head in half-embarrassment, half-pride.

"I know," the shorter boy muses, "that's why I lowkey stalked you into that restaurant lol," he's even started saying 'lol' out loud now.

"Wait, what?"

"Oh god, that came out so fucking creepy," Seungkwan widens his eyes and Vernon thinks he looks cute - no homo, though. "I mean, I knew about your blog and like, yeah."

"Yeah?"

Silence.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say, lol," again with the 'lol'.

Even more silence.

"If it makes you feel better, I like your Instagram too," Vernon sounds sincere enough and Seungkwan beams at him, eyes all crescent shaped and sparkly. "Your style is sick,"

"Ew, don't say sick."

"Sick."

"You're actually impossible," Seungkwan drags his bag to their usual seat and is prepared to snooze away the lecture when Vernon taps his shoulder and slides a note to him not-so-discreetly.

It reads: ' _Are you - tree? Queer? Near? Free?_ ' Vernon's handwriting is god awful.

Seungkwan nudges him, "What does this say?" he points at the illegible note.

"Are you free? Oh my god, what's the point of a note if you're gonna make me say it out loud. And you say I'm," he dramatically points at himself and makes a face, "impossible."

Seungkwan sighs and smiles at Vernon and he swears he hears his own pulse violently beating in his ears when Vernon smiles back and exposes his piercing - a smiley (a very adequate name because just the thought of it has Seungkwan all smiley. _Stop thinking about it_ he tells his brain but still keeps the grin on his face).

"Yeah I'm free,"

"Good we're going out," Vernon looks up at the clock and stares at the big handle signalling the seconds: time is dragging on. "Should we leave early?"

"You're not more important than my grade, Chwe," Seungkwan narrows his eyes and begins to jot something down whilst twiddling his pen on his index finger. Vernon moves his stare from the clock to Seungkwan's hands and gasps and Seungkwan is pretty sure he just heard the poor girl sat in front of them sigh.

"How do you do that?" Seungkwan rolls his eyes.

"You're gonna make me fail this class, oh my god. Just shut up, you're so annoying,"

"Jesus, I-"

The girl's finally has enough and she whips her blonde pony tail to face the two, "Shut up already or leave and make out. I thought Asian people were quiet," her tone is pointed. Seungkwan was about to hit her with an insult and completely obliterate whatever confidence she had about uttering a racist comment to them but Vernon beat him to it:

"I'm not gay,"

Oh, how Seungkwan wanted to punch his straight ass.

"And I'm only half Asian,"

"Just listen to her and shut the fuck up," Seungkwan shakes his head in frustration.

Vernon was too scared of the girl to even whisper to Seungkwan again - he wouldn't admit it but he was also a tad bit scared of Seungkwan too. Half way through the lesson (exactly as Vernon was actually counting down the seconds) he passes Seungkwan another note with his handwriting in capital letters to avoid further confusion.

It reads: _'TO THE GARDENS?'_ Seungkwan nods his head eagerly at Vernon. He'd always wanted to go there, ever since starting university; there was just something about flowers and plants and lots of grass that made him want to cry - literally, he's allergic to pollen but it's nice, sneezing or not. It's also an excuse to get some nice pictures for his Instagram and perhaps sneak some pics of Vernon to show Wonwoo and Seungcheol and even maybe Jeonghan if she's willing to not be too harsh on Seungkwan's choice in guys.

Seungkwan spends the rest of the lecture thinking of dumb scenarios that could theoretically but not physically happen between him and Vernon. Perhaps a picnic? A tour. He sets his expectations to high and by the time the professor tells everyone to pack up, he's settled on just taking a selfie together; that was probably pushing his relationship with Vernon to the max, too. He huffs in annoyance and Vernon sends a glance his way but doesn't question it and continues to stuff all his pens and notepads into his black bag - that's an observation Seungkwan's made of him: everything he wears is either black or black, there's no in-between.

Vernon waits for him at the door and tugs on Seungkwan's pink sweater that he has layered on top of a white button up (Vernon is sure that Seungkwan could literally wear a potato sack and still make it work but he'll never tell him that - his ego is already too big for his own good).

They head out of campus, the sun shining against their backs, the spring air fresh and Seungkwan even stops to take a picture of some cherry blossoms that he didn't even know existed in California.

Vernon realises that they looked like some weird purposefully mismatching boyfriends walking along the streets - (throwing fallen Sakura petals at each other and filming themselves to put on Snapchat) - and maybe, for the first time in Vernon's life, he doesn't really care about what other people think of him, he's just happy.


	2. 2 - the gardens.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungkwan finds that his feelings towards Vernon grow like flowers in a garden.  
> Wonwoo also decides to water his metaphorical love-plant, being the good friend he is.

Seungkwan didn't really know what to expect from Vernon; he was attractive, annoying and way too nice for his own good - Seungkwan had hoped that he would be an asshole to make the whole 'getting-over-you' progress quicker, but the fact that Vernon's asthmatic-laugh is enough to bring happiness to the whole of America is making everything worse.

They sit in recently-mown grass and the short spikes tickle Seungkwan's exposed legs when he stretches them out as he tells Vernon that he can't sit cross-legged (which makes the other boy laugh at him in return). The spring air only gets hotter as the sun rises high in the sky, hanging loosely in the blue, and Seungkwan is glad that he doesn't burn easily; it's a different story for Vernon as the highs of his cheeks are already turning a painful red.

They're sitting too close for Seungkwan's liking, not that he doesn't enjoy the proximity, but the fact that he's sitting this close to Vernon has his face turning red and splotchy like in exaggerated animations which is something not even a layer of BB cream can hide.

"So," Vernon reaches to adjust his beanie and turns to face Seungkwan who's face has been lit up gold by the sunshine, "what did you think of me when you first met me?" He asks with a grin.

"This is literally just gonna fuel your never- ending ego, I'm not gonna tell you,"

"Come on Boo, ple-"

Seungkwan swats his shoulder, a scowl forming on his face, "Don't call me that, oh my god,"

Vernon laughs, "Your cheeks are so red," another laugh. Seungkwan wants to hate him and his curly lashes and his pretty brown eyes that turn a topaz shade in the light; he hates how his own cheeks turn a crimson red at the slight glimpse of his shaggy hair and he most of all hates the fact that the probability of Vernon liking him back is almost zero. He hangs onto the almost.

"Stop hiding your face, it's cute,"

"Argh," Seungkwan rumbles in return, "stop being like that!" He looks up from the face in his hands. "You make it impossible for me to hate you,"

"Good, I don't want you to hate me," Vernon chimes and picks up a piece of grass and begins picking it apart slowly.

"Why do you even want to be friends with me?" Seungkwan matches his action and grabs a daisy, trying and failing to distract himself. "You're so confusing,"

"I just think you're cool," Vernon picks another piece of grass, "I'm cool, you're cool - we make cool friends. It's not that complicated, Seungkwan,"

"But you keep being so nice." He pauses before speaking again. "You must know I'm gay and like, you're not so,"

"Yeah, but it's not like we're doing anything, right? The fact that you're gay doesn't really matter. I have lots of gay friends, actually,"

"Whatever," the blonde rolls his eyes and grabs his Polaroid camera that's placed in depths of his bag, "let's take a bro-pic,"

"Do you mean a selfie?" Vernon laughs.

"Yeah but we're bros so," he tries to hide the disappointment in his voice with sarcasm but it's still pretty evident - thank god Vernon is oblivious towards everything.

"The type of bro you're closest to being is a Bronie," Vernon nudges him and Seungkwan hits him hard, he tells him to take it back but Vernon just laughs harder at Seungkwan's dramatic reaction.

They sit around the gardens a bit longer, Polaroid picture in Seungkwan's hand, until Vernon complains that he has pins and needles and makes Seungkwan help him stand up. The garden really is beautiful and in bloom, the oranges blend into yellows and reds and Vernon is snapping pictures every minute as they walk around the flower beds. Their hands graze accidentally and they both retract instantaneously, smiling apologetically in reply.

"So,"

"You keep saying 'so', just ask me the question," he glances at Vernon who's smiling like he always does, "it takes you like 10 minutes to say anything coherent,"

"I was gonna ask you about how your highschool was," he says licking his lips, "you know - being the gay kid and all. Was it difficult?"

"Well, when I first came out, it was pretty hard," Seungkwan remembers the way everyone had scrunched their brows into a frown when he had told them, "but like, after a week no-one really cared, I think they already knew." Seungkwan had taken drama and textiles in highschool, and though he hates stereotyping people, especially himself, he was pretty much the epitome of homosexuality - this was not helped by his addiction to RuPaul's Drag Race, a show about drag queens which is what had started his whole obsession with uncommon fashion trends and making his own clothes.

"How about your parents?" Vernon decides to stop under a small tree by the entrance of the gardens and they stand in the cooling shade. "Did they know too?"

"Well," Seungkwan can feel his eyes glaze over but he's talked about this subject too many times for it to fully bother him anymore, "my mom lives in Jeju-" Vernon scrunches his brows in confusion, "it's an island in South Korea, dumbass,"

"Oh,"

"Yeah and she's like, the best mother in the world, I love her so much and I try to call her everyday," he pauses - "but my dad," he looks at Vernon's face of understanding and decides to continue, he doesn't know why he's telling him this, "My dad still thinks it's some sort of phase and shit,"

"Oh, man, that sucks," Vernon's not too good with his words but he looks honest when he places his hand on Seungkwan's arm in an attempt to comfort him.

"Nah, I don't really care anyway," he shrugs the arm off, "I don't have to live there again; that's why I didn't particularly like highschool, my friends were chill but I was living with my dad at the time so I always had to hide stuff from him,"

"It's not like I hate him, I'm sure he'll understand one day so it's whatever," Seungkwan fiddles with his septum.

Vernon smiles at Seungkwan, his positivity is unique and refreshing to him, "Yeah, man," they begin to make their way back to the campus, the atmosphere a lot more calm in comparison to the journey to the gardens. Vernon feels happy that Seungkwan had told him his story; he knows it must have been difficult but it warms his heart to know that Seungkwan has let him in to his world. "Oh yeah, before I head to French, tell me your number,"

"I don't know it off by heart," Seungkwan stops. "Wait, just put your number in, I'll text you," he says.

Seungkwan hands him his precious phone and holds his breath when Vernon begins typing, "Jesus, Boo, it's not like I'm looking through all your secret porn files and shit, I'm just putting my phone number in," he hands him the phone back.

"I'll text you later, I need to sleep," Seungkwan says at Vernon's back as he walks away and Vernon waves casually in reply.

 

 

 

 

~~~

 

 

 

 

Once the Chinese delivery arrives at around 8pm, Seungkwan is snuggling up into a blanket as Wonwoo flicks between movies on Seungkwan's laptop and they begin to scoff down their cheap noodles and sweet & sour chicken. Wonwoo complains about course work and essays whilst Seungkwan watches _10 Things I Hate About You_ intently for the umpteenth time, trying to ignore all of Wonwoo's whining - this routine they both have has been ongoing since they first met at the beginning of University (as they both walked in wearing double denim and instantly clicked at their similar fashion choices).

"I don't understand why they make everything so difficult in movies," Wonwoo complains in his low voice, putting down his chopsticks loudly on Seungkwan's coffee table. "If she likes him, he likes her, they should just bang and date - why's everything got to be so angsty all the time?"

"Well, that wouldn't make much of a movie would it?" Seungkwan says.

"Touché," Wonwoo stops for a minute to adjust his round glasses. "But, wouldn't you just love to make a film about how easy it is to find love?"

"No offence or anything, but it's not. Like, maybe about straight people yeah, but we're both gay and virgins who set our standards too high,"

"Ok, touché again,"

Seungkwan laughs and finishes off the last of his chicken before turning the movie off by slamming his laptop in frustration. "Straight people have it so easy," he mutters under his breath but Wonwoo hears and sighs in unison.

"Oh yeah, where were you today? I texted you if you wanted to catch lunch and I even _called_ you," Wonwoo pouts at Seungkwan, his glasses shining in the dim light, "you know how much I hate calling people: the sacrifices I make for you,"

Seungkwan pats Wonwoo's fluffy hair sympathetically and imitates his pout, "I was busy with a friend," he tries to answer with a poker face.

"You? Friends? You're lying," Wonwoo's voice lowers in amusement and he laughs, swatting Seungkwan's hand away from his hair, "I know you, Seungkwan Boo, also known as the worst liar ever, also known as betrayer who tries lying to their best friend, also known as -"

"I get it, I get it, I'm a bad friend but... I know if I tell you you're going to go all 'I-Told-You-So' on me and piss me off like you always do,"

"I pinky promise," Wonwoo sticks his finger in the air, "Seungkwa-an," he whines, dragging out the 'a' like a bratty child.

Seungkwan groans and moves to his bed, throwing the blanket draped on him around his shoulders so he looks like a lame superhero of sorts. He looks Wonwoo in the eye and says: "Vernon,"

One single word - _one_ , and it has Wonwoo stomping his feet about with his face puffed out in frustration of not being able to say the 4-lettered phrase. ' _I told you so_!' Seungkwan can hear his best friend scream telepathically but he still stares at him in a mix of shame and defeat, half his face hidden by the soft blanket.

"I know what you're gonna say - _don't_. I know, Wonwoo, I know... I'm fucked,"

"The problem is that you're not only fucked mentally you're gonna get fucked over _physically_. I told you about this last month, Seungkwan - he's such a fuck-boy: all he ever wears is Thrasher and Supreme and you even stalked him on a date... with a _girl_ ," Wonwoo hovers to where Seungkwan is seated and shakes the poor boy, hoping that whatever emotions and stupid fantasies about dating said-Vernon his friend was having would shake away also. "I don't get you, honestly,"

"I'll get over him: he's just a friend, anyway, he even said it himself," Seungkwan rests his head on the crook of Wonwoo's shoulder seeking a form of apathy from his normally-quiet friend (it was only around Seungkwan that he would open up and talk about the random shit he always whispers about during class).

"Ah, fuck it, Seungkwan, you're too good for him anyways, you need to find a boy with an actual good sense in fashion, not one who wears black all the time," Wonwoo nudges the boy resting on his shoulder and pats Seungkwan on the back before speaking again, "I'll help you."

Seungkwan tilts his head, "Huh? Help me with what?" He's confused.

"Allure him,"

"But you just sai-"

"I know what I said, I've changed my mind. We both keep complaining that we can't find love; that we're gay; that we're good looking Koreans stuck in a Caucasian world - we need to prove ourselves wrong - we _can_ find love."

Seungkwan's friend was having one of his philosophical moments - the motivated positive ones that you can only achieve after reading too many Buddhist books and having too little sleep. "You're insane,"

"You're getting him! You like him, just try your best and have a go at _love_ \- has he asked you for your number?" Seungkwan nods his head in reply. "See? He's showing signs of interest already - he might be one of those bi guys who likes to pass off as straight to contain their masculine ego: he's friends with all the try-hard rapper kids so that's probably why,"

"Ew, you're giving me hope and you're being positive, two things which Wonwoo Jeon is _not_ good at doing," Seungkwan sinks into his bed, digging his palms into his eyes, the cheap dim lights suddenly being too bright for him.

"Text him,"

"No,"

"Text him,"

"Die,"

Wonwoo dashes to Seungkwan's bedside table and yanks his phone from the charger plug, a triumphant smile plastered on his face. "If you're not gonna do it, I will,"

"You're literal Satan reincarnated in the body of an absolute dick-head," Seungkwan rolls around his bed, "text him, whatever. Just don't add emojis those are the worst," he hears a few keyboard noises and then Wonwoo erupts with laughter.

"You saved him as "hot guy" with a bunch of fire emojis and an alien emoji," Wonwoo pauses to breathe and points at Seungkwan " _you're_ the worst,"

"Oh god, that idiot! I didn't do that - even you know I wouldn't stoop to that level of ugly, Wonwoo," Seungkwan groans, reaching for his phone and sighs when he sees the screen-name, "why do I even like him?"

Wonwoo finishes laughing and the keyboard noises stop. He begins to read the text: "Hey it's me, Boo. I'm hoping this is 'hot boy'. If so, text me back or perhaps shoot me an email. Thank you for contacting me. - Seungkwan." Wonwoo reads out all the punctuation and Seungkwan lounges at him.

"You did not just use proper grammar. Oh fuck, I'm gonna look so lame, Wonwoo. I said no emojis, not no expression," he face palms.

"You let me do it, it's your fault," the victorious smile is back on Wonwoo's face and Seungkwan is about to smack his shoulder hard before an obnoxious noise of marimbas interrupts his violent wishes.

"He's a quick replier - maybe he's not as bad as I imagined," Wonwoo throws Seungkwan's phone onto his bed which Seungkwan scrambles through the covers to reach - he's so eager to see the reply and Wonwoo almost feels sorry for typing such an awkward message to his friend's crush.

Seungkwan's eyes go wide at the bright screen and his body goes rigid, almost like he's just had a little spasm in reaction to the message.

"Spill the tea, 'Kwan," Wonwoo muses and lies next to Seungkwan on his double bed.

Seungkwan reads: "Boo! XD," and pauses to fake gag at the 'XD' and Wonwoo asks if he's sure that they're the same age. Seungkwan glares at him to let him finish.

"u finally texted me omg lol hi *happy face emoji*," Wonwoo tries to hold his laughter in and allows Seungkwan to continue. "R u free 2moz? its a saterday," Seungkwan and Wonwoo both scoff at the spelling mistake, "so im guessin u dont hav classes *100 percent emoji*, txt me back s00n,"

Wonwoo lands on Seungkwan's floor with a thud and clutches his stomach with laughter, his reaction very different to Seungkwan's - who is just staring at the screen and reading the 4 lines of text again. Seungkwan throws a pillow at Wonwoo who just regained his balance on the wooden floor and then topples down again - they both laugh, Seungkwan at Wonwoo and Wonwoo at Seungkwan. "I hate you, get away from me," Seungkwan throws another pillow at Wonwoo who is still laughing. _Ah, friendship._

 

 

 

 

~~~

 

 

 

 

Seungkwan stands at the nearest bus stop on a Saturday morning - 9 a.m to be exact - and regrets agreeing to meet up with Vernon. He was relieved to find out that Vernon's friend had also answered for Vernon in the most obnoxious way possible through text and Seungkwan had called Wonwoo to tell him after having kicked him out of his dorm. " _He doesn't really text like that, I've never been so glad about anything before,_ " he had told him.

It's too cold in contrast to his and Vernon's last outing, it's almost as if the weather changes alongside Seungkwan's feelings. The breeze holds a sharp bite and as he stands at the stop and he spots a couple of pedestrians shiver and eye Seungkwan and his long coat in envy of the warmth.

"You get this stop too?" An unfamiliar voice interrupts Seungkwan's thinking. He turns to face the speaker and finds himself looking up into deep chocolate eyes and tanned skin. He's really looking up - the guy has good leverage on Seungkwan so that he's practically just looking at his lips as he speaks - which he isn't complaining about, really.

Seungkwan looks at him and files his brain for familiarity in the tall boy's face but can't seem to find anything - it's not like you could forget a face like that: crooked smile, canine teeth and glowing skin in all its glory.

"Do I know you?" Seungkwan tries hard not to sound too harsh but it ends up coming out colder than expected so he adds: "That wasn't mean to sound harsh, sorry,"

The tall guy laughs and buries his hands in his pockets. It's a dorky laugh. "No, sorry. Ah, this is gonna sound so strange but I was actually meant to meet you today,"

"You were?"

"Did Vernon not tell you...?" The tall boy pauses in confusion.

Seungkwan would be angry at Vernon but he can't make himself do so and he almost feels a small amount of gratitude towards him as it seems like his friend has set him up with perhaps the prettiest boy has ever laid eyes upon.

"No he didn't tell me anything," Seungkwan finds a smile on his lips, "but I guess you're his friend, right?"

"Right," he smiles and shows his sideways smile. Seungkwan looks up into his crinkled eyes and he feels his heart melt. The cold day is suddenly too hot and Seungkwan fidgets with his septum as he feels his cheeks grow warm.

"I'm Mingyu Kim."


	3. 3 - eating.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mingyu is not funny, Seungkwan is even more confused and Wonwoo... is Wonwoo.

“Seungkwan Boo,” Seungkwan adds a smile to his own introduction and glances back towards the bus stop. “So, Mingyu, where are we heading to today on this cold day? It better be good, I woke up too early to have breakfast, so,” he hints with a laugh.

 

“Breakfast it is, then” Mingyu agrees and leans by the bus stop’s bench - any other guy would’ve looked like a total poser but Mingyu somehow makes it work, miraculously. “I’m sorry it’s so early, this is like, the only free time I have nowadays.”

 

“Wait, how old are you?” the reality sinks in that Seungkwan is basically having a date with a random guy that Vernon has set him up with… _Vernon_. Vernon the guy who wears weed socks; the guy who wears backwards caps; the guy who still dabs because he thinks the trend hasn’t died away - there is no way Seungkwan is trusting him.

 

“19, 20 this year,” Mingyu scrunches his brows, “why?”

 

Seungkwan begins firing questions at him, a focused look on his face: “Do you like songs with no lyrics and terrible beats?”, “Do you own any ‘Supreme’ clothing?”, “Do you own a skateboard?”, “Do you think doge is still a relevant meme?”. Mingyu answers no to most of the questions, excluding the latter in which he replies with “Doge will always be a relevant meme”.

 

“Okay, so how come you’re friends with Vernon?” Seungkwan asks which earns a big laugh from Mingyu.

 

“He’s not that bad, Seungkwan,” Mingyu suddenly gets interrupted by the loud squeaking and hissing of the bus that pulls over. The two quickly scan their student cards and sit towards the back, trying to ignore the loud twelve year olds sat at the front and settle quickly before the vehicle lurches forward.

 

“Where to?” Seungkwan finally asks after sending a quick text to Wonwoo telling him that their daily morning-coffee is cancelled. He tries to get a little more comfortable and sets his feet up on the empty worn seats opposite theirs.

 

“Fancy some breakfast noodles?” Mingyu does the same with his feet, show casing his perfectly polished Dr. Martens - a good style choice, Seungkwan thinks.

 

“Just because we’re Asian,” Seungkwan shakes his head sarcastically at the older boy, his golden bangs swinging across his forehead, “so much for being non-conforming to the stereotypes of this society that we live in,”

 

“You’re a drama-queen,” Mingyu nudges his shoulder.

 

“No, I’m realistic. Look at those twelvies sitting at the front, Mingyu. This is what our country has become. They all look the same; they wear the same clothes, speak the same, listen to the same music - it’s sad,” Seungkwan flings his arms out to add extra power to his passionate (but ironic) speech. “It’s our duty to stand out,”

 

Mingyu tries to keep his face as serious as possible in reaction to Seungkwan’s comment and bites his lip in an attempt to keep his laughter in. It doesn’t really work and instead his laugh sounds much like the car Seungkwan used to own at the beginning of the year before it finally blew up (literally - it caught on flames and he didn’t have it insured).

 

 

 

 

~~~

 

 

 

 

Seungkwan laughs along to another joke Mingyu tells. The both sit inside Panda Express, on the hard metal chairs that are a good reflection of how cheap the food is - the price does not equal to the taste though,  as Seungkwan ends up ordering another plate of teriyaki chicken and some more noodles for Mingyu.

 

“What do you major in?” Seungkwan asks after a mouthful of fried rice.

 

“English Literature, you?”

 

“Fashion Design. Wait, Eng Lit? Ew, why?” The blonde makes a disgusted face and then arches his brow, awaiting Mingyu’s answer after he’s finished breathing in a whole bowl of noodles in too little of a time to be considered normal.

 

“I guess I have my way with words,” Mingyu wiggles his brows, wiping his mouth on his sleeve which makes Seungkwan wrinkle his nose in satiation.

 

Seungkwan pokes his chopstick into Mingyu’s plate and steals a pepper, “You’re literally the greasiest person ever. I’m being serious, why would you put yourself into that misery? No offence, but English Lit maketh me want to killeth myself,”

 

“No, Eng Lit is lit,” Mingyu says. Seungkwan scowls.

 

“I can see why you’re friends with Vernon now,” he makes Mingyu laugh.

 

Seungkwan _can_ see why Vernon and Mingyu are friends. They are both easy going and walking, talking, idiots but the main difference splitting the two guys up is 1) their height - anyone standing next to Mingyu looks and feels like an actual midget, and 2) the fact that Mingyu is almost quite possibly, extremely gay, unlike Vernon who sends all the wrong signals. Seungkwan doesn’t enjoy lounging on the idea of a ‘gay-dar’ that some people claim to have just because they can spot a good pair of shoes or nicely styled hair on a suspecting male (which, to be fair, Mingyu does have), but Seungkwan can’t particularly help his imagination from getting the better of him when he hears Mingyu’s phone ringing after they’ve just finished their ‘breakfast’. It’s loud and clear and it even makes an old guy sitting in a table alone turn his face towards Mingyu in curiosity of the ringtone: it’s a total classic, Seungkwan gives him that, but it’s Cher’s ‘Believe’ and any assumption Seungkwan had had before has been confirmed instantly.

 

Seungkwan lets Mingyu answer by waving his hands to him in a shoo-ing motion and mouths ‘Take it, take it’. Mingyu smiles and slides his finger across the lock screen before greeting said-caller with a rather obnoxious “Yoo-ooo-ooo, Vernon,” that causes at least a brain cell or two to die in Seungkwan.

 

“Yeah, I’m with him,” he pauses. “No, yeah - everything’s going fine.” Another pause. “Huh? Wait…why?” Mingyu says and Seungkwan cocks his head to the side in a form of questioning in which Mingyu replies to with a simple shrugging of the shoulders. “Right now? Uh, okay,” the phone attached to Mingyu’s ear suddenly retracts and is waved in front of Seungkwan’s face by the owner whilst he says: “Vernon wants to say something, I don’t know.”

 

Seungkwan hesitates before grabbing the mobile device and replying.

 

“Vernon,”

 

“Boo,” Vernon can practically hear Seungkwan’s sigh from the other end of the phone. “So, how do you like Mingyu?” He asks mischievously.

 

“He’s nice - I keep wondering why he’d sink so low as to become friends with you but, you know, I could ask that to myself too,” Vernon laughs after a little delay from the bad connection.

 

“I’ll have you know I’m a very good friend - so good that I’ve come to your lonely ass and aided you with a blind date. Honestly, you owe me big time.”

 

“Not so fast, Chwe,” Seungkwan talks into the phone and looks over at Mingyu who is scraping his plate for any last remainders of food, “don’t you remember the many times I’ve aided you in class; RedBull is not cheap, you know,”

 

“Fair,” Vernon pauses to gather his thoughts, “but!”

 

“But,” Seungkwan mimics and lets Vernon finish after laughing.

 

“This is a big favour I’ve done for you, it’s _very_ big. You owe me something in the very least. Homemade food? A shoutout on Instagram? Perhaps a ‘be-nice-to-Vernon-for-a-day’ day?”

 

“I’ll think about it. I’m gonna hang up, you’re wasting my precious time with the giant. Bye.” Seungkwan hands the phone back to Mingyu but not before checking what the guy’s lock screen is; young Johnny Depp - suspicion confirmed.

 

 

 

 

~~~

 

 

 

 

As soon as Seungkwan dumps his bag by the side of his apartment door, the sun is setting and his phone begins vibrating in the back of his pocket and he groans as he reaches for it - though, not before sinking into his un-made bed. It’s Wonwoo.

 

“Why did you suddenly ditch me this morning? Was it Vernon? Did you guys go out today or-“ Seungkwan holds his phone away from his face and sighs before responding.

 

“I thought it was him, but turns out that Vernon set me up with his friend instead,”

 

He hears Wonwoo click his tongue; “Mmh…well, was he cute at least? Or was he a greasy fuckboy like him?” He chuckles.

 

“Beyond cute; brown hair, tanned skin and he was actually Korean, too. Honestly, once you get to know one Korean, you get to know them all in campus,” Seungkwan says.

 

“Truly. Anyways, stop trying to change the subject. What was the guy’s name?”

 

“Mingyu Kim. I mean, don’t get me wrong he was really cute and like…attractive, overall, but there are some things that just put people off. Does he think it’s okay to attempt to wipe sauce discreetly on my sleeve? _Not_ on my watch,” Seungkwan rants into the phone and Wonwoo gives a loud laugh. Seriously, though. There’s always some catastrophic downfall to the pretty ones - they are either assholes or just gross and Seungkwan has yet to find Vernon’s weakness. That guy just makes everything complicated running through Seungkwan's mind even more of a dilemma.

 

Seungkwan leans down to take his shoes off whilst his phone is pressed in the crook of his neck, trying to balance his conversation whilst attempting to untie the shoelaces. “He was funny, though. And he knew me from Instagram so he’s gotta have good taste - maybe you’ll like him,”

 

“You flatter yourself too much.” Wonwoo says as Seungkwan throws his shoes through the door of his room into the hallway making two large thuds. “Wait,”

 

“Huh?” The blonde murmurs as he drops his coat on the floor and climbs into bed, closing his eyes.

 

“I have an idea. So you say that Mingyu is Vernon’s friend, right?” Seungkwan hums in reply. Wonwoo elaborates on his idea: “Doesn’t that mean that he knows everything about the dear white boy you’re in love with? He knows what he likes, where he likes to go, what he likes to do. It wouldn’t hurt to ask. And you could also ring up Seungcheol and ask him for dating advice, since he seems to know a lot more about…dating in general than you and I,”

 

Seungkwan snaps his eyes open and sits up. “Wonwoo, how come I haven’t thought of that? And you have? I’m meant to be the smart one in this friendship.”

 

“No, you’re meant to be the one who listens to me because you’re dumb and don’t know about anything,” Wonwoo says. “And I’m actually quite offended that you think you’re the smart one out of the two of us - I don’t call into Pizza Hut just to order garlic bread; I don’t ask stupid things like ‘why do people not make peach-scented toilet paper?’; I don’t wear plaid on plaid; I don’t-“  
  
“Listen, Wonwoo. I get that you’re offended but you don’t have to come after my plaid on plaid - it’s a look and you know it,”  
  
“Only because you saw it on _Clueless_ , everything about that movie makes me suicidal.” Seungkwan gasps and Wonwoo scoffs at his own joke (which is the norm as he thinks he is the funniest person on earth - if it helps him sleep at night, Seungkwan will continue to laugh along awkwardly to his terrible attempts at comedy.)

 

“I’m hanging up on you. I can’t believe you disgraced the gay bible. _Clueless_ is a classic. Call me back when you are ready to be awakened by the truth,” Seungkwan presses ‘end call’ and falls back onto his fluffy pillows, his head hurting from Wonwoo’s suggested idea. It doesn’t seem so bad in comparison to previous ideas Wonwoo was keen to share as advise to an unsuspecting Seungkwan which, unfortunately, never did end up going to plan. Seungkwan wonders whether Wonwoo’s ways have changed after the incident where he had told Seungkwan that ‘guys find lip biting hot’ and as a desperate guy does, Seungkwan had tested out his friend’s suggestion and instead ended up scaring a guy and making him drop his coffee on the campus grounds - looking like you’re about to attack someone is not a great first impression. Luckily, the unsuspecting victim of Seungkwan’s experiment at flirting had not taken his actions to heart and instead had laughed at how weird Seungkwan looked whilst introducing himself as ‘Seungcheol’. Since then, Seungkwan had learnt that Seungcheol was actually straight and looking for a girlfriend so Seungkwan didn’t hesitate to casually drop his name to Jeonghan, a girl in his Social Studies and since then, the two have been catching up every week or so by phone or Skype as the two rarely crossed paths (Seungcheol takes Business and Law as his degree and most of the time can be found slamming his head on his desk and begging Seungkwan for his opinion on his essays).

 

Seungkwan decides, as he lays still on his bed, to just fall asleep and call Seungcheol the next day. Putting up with Mingyu’s weird jokes and snorting laughter had drained Seungkwan off his energy and so, when he slips his eyes shut for a moment or two, he finds himself asleep and dreaming about a certain chestnut-haired boy with hazel eyes and a wheezy laugh. Operation ‘convince-him-he’s-gay’ has only just begun and Seungkwan is going to need all the help he can get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry about updating this so late ive had exams for the past 2 weeks and haven't had the time to complete this but !! the plot finally thickens  
> SHOUT at me in the comments I am the queen of making things complicated


	4. 4 - a party/mess.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That awkward moment when everything goes wrong #justteenthings
> 
> Aka the serious chapter no one asked for

The light filters through the thin curtains of his dorm-room window and embraces the area in a soft sheen of gold. Seungkwan flutters his eyes open and feels around his bedsheets in an attempt to find his phone It ends up with him on the floor as he tries to catch it when it flies through the air as he shakes the covers. He grimaces and winces, reaching to rub his ass and then plugs his phone into his speakers that play relaxed and happy songs about life - the aim for this is to prepare himself for class and again, to prep himself for any interaction he will have with Vernon (if they end up happening).

He heads out his room, down the three sets of stairs whilst suppressing the pant of an unfit uni-student and meets with Wonwoo at the familiar cafe a block away from his dorm. Wonwoo greets him with a smile and his glasses bob on his cheeks. The eye-bags are prominent on his face and are dark so Seungkwan hands him a 10 dollar bill as a suggestion that he’s buying the coffee today - again, Wonwoo smiles tiredly at his friend.

“I hate Mr. Williams - I’m really not sure if he understands that writing an essay and composing a presentation in one week is practically impossible. And the fact that I don’t even care that much about history is making my stress worse,” Wonwoo whines, sipping on the hot coffee as the two make their way onto campus.

“Just put a picture of your social life on the presentation. Now _that’s_ history.” Seungkwan laughs at his own joke and Wonwoo scowls.

“I thought _I_ was in charge of telling terrible jokes?”

The two break paths as they emerge into the building that they call their university and Wonwoo waves a casual goodbye as he throws his coffee cup away and digs his free hand into the pocket of his culottes.

Seungkwan breathes in the scent of spring and glances at his wrist watch - 30 minutes until his class - _great, he has nothing to do for another half hour_. He finds a short wooden bench after wondering around for a little while and sits under the cool shadow of an oak tree, setting his pink bag at the spare end. He reaches for his phone and finds a missed call from Seungcheol and then suddenly remembers what he was going to do last night - he was going to ask the poor straighty for some love advice as he really has gotten desperate. He promptly presses call on his phone and awaits.

“Seungkwan,” his cheery voice answers after 2 rings.

Seungkwan immediately smiles, “Seungcheol, why’d you call me? You missing me too much?”

“Yes but I also have something to tell you; there’s this guy called The8 that I met last night when I was hanging out with Jeonghan and her friends and apparently, he’s having a party tonight. I was gonna call you about it yesterday night but I had this assignment to finish - don’t remind me why I decided to apply for a business degree.”

“I’ve already reminded you too many times that you’re fucking dumb. Anyways, so what about this party? Are you inviting me or something?”

“Yeah - this The8 guy looks kind of scary, not gonna lie. He was wearing a chain that screams thug so I don’t really wanna go to the party alone and you know how Jeonghan is when she’s drunk,”

Seungkwan laughs remembering the last time he had gone to a party with Jeonghan; “She’s Lucifer reincarnated when she’s _sober_ , I can’t imagine what she’s like when she’s drunk.”

“ _The worst_. I’m getting sidetracked. Okay, so I asked this guy if I could bring you with me and he was like, ‘who is he?’, so I said your name was Seungkwan and he instantly nodded his head and said something about how much he liked your style,”

“I suddenly like thugs - take my money, The8,”

“You’re so fucking thirsty, Seungkwan,” Seungcheol laughs through the phone, “I wouldn’t try hitting on him, I heard he has a boyfriend from China - apparently he does Jujitsu or karate or something like that.”

“Ah, all the guys with good taste have boyfriends, why don’t I have one? I am a guy with good taste. Oh yeah, about boys, I was gonna ask-“

“ _Oh_! And you’re also not allowed to drink: you are me and Jeonghan’s ride back.”

Seungkwan sighs, “I knew there was a catch. Nothing is ever free in this world. I hate you.” He goes to pick up his bag from his side and swings it around his shoulders, ear still pressed onto his phone. “I’ll be at your dorm by 8, then. I’ve missed driving a car after my little incident with my sweet old Matilda, may her broken pieces be put back together in car-heaven.”

“The party starts at nine, you don’t have to be that punctual.”

“Yeah but I need to talk to you about something before. I need to head to class now. Try not to kill yourself, bye.” Seungkwan hits end on the call and rushes to his ‘Fashion History’ lecture, the sun beating brightly against the thin fabric of his sweater

 

 

 

 

~~~

 

 

 

 

By the time Seungkwan arrives at Seungcheol’s dorm room, Jeonghan is already a little bit tipsy and dancing around with no shirt on and Seungkwan has never been so glad to be gay in his life. Seungcheol apologises as he opens the door, his ears pink in embarrassment for his girlfriend. Seungkwan is used to it though - crazy Jeonghan, that is, not an apologetic Seungcheol (the guy was normally too confident and cocky to handle for long periods of time).

At the beginning of the year, Seungkwan had met Jeonghan outside a nearby convenience store with her skirt ripped in half, exposing everything underneath. The other half was found trapped between the door of her car and Seungkwan had never seen a girl flush so red before. He felt much like her knight in shining armour when he approached the poor thing and thrown his denim jacket around her waist in an attempt to cover the little fabric she had as underwear. Her hair was long then - long and brown with a cute fringe, and she had gushed at Seungkwan about how thankful she was. Since then, she had taken Seungkwan under her wing: she told him the do’s and don’t’s of their university being the all-wise 21 year old she is and even told him secrets of people he would have never wanted to know if he had the chance. After all, Jeonghan has a bit of a reputation for being a bitch to anyone at any place in time so the two clicked instantly for their hate of the annoying people that they encounter in their university lives. Plus, Jeonghan had told him once that she had always wanted a ‘ _GBF_ \- a gay best friend’ which had made Seungkwan smack her in the head and made one of her extensions fall out.

Seungkwan shakes his head when he enters the crime scene of Seungcheol’s dorm. Jeonghan shakes her newly-cut and dyed blonde bob up and down to a painful techno song that blasts through Seungcheol’s laptop speakers.

“Help,” Seungcheol mouths as he guides Seungkwan to his couch at the corner of his bedroom that has gained a couple of mysterious stains since the last time Seungkwan visited. Seungkwan decides not to ask.

“She’s crazy. How many drinks did you give her? It’s barely 8 o’clock, you know,” Seungkwan sits, poking his fingers through the rips of his black mom-jeans.

“I let her have the tiniest bit of my beer. Turns out she had some RedBull before getting ready and you know how she is with caffeine and alcohol,” Seungcheol frowns.

“Dumbass,” Seungkwan scoffs. “Anyway, I need your advise,”

“Go, hit me with your story,”

“You’re such a dad. Okay so there’s this guy,” Seungcheol makes a noise and Seungkwan ignores it and continues, “his name is irrelevant, don’t try to ask. He’s in my photography class and he’s got such a nice Tumblr so when I saw him in the corridors, I like, shot myself metaphorically,”

“Shot yourself with an arrow of _love_ ,” Seungcheol holds his heart sarcastically and Seungkwan swats him away. Seungkwan decides it’s best to not tell Seungcheol about his stalker-date story because he know’s Seungcheol and how he’d never let Seungkwan see the end of day with his teasing so it’s best to not say anything at all.

“Let me finish, you twat. Okay, so we’re friends - I think? But I’m kinda sure that he’s a straighty like you and he’s even set me up with his friend but I also can’t get him out of my head and I feel like I need to do _something_ about it,” Seungkwan fiddles with his septum as he recounts the last few months and his crush on Vernon. “I don’t really know what to do,”

“Ah, okay. I see where you’re coming from. So let me get this straight - no pun intended; you have a crush on a straight guy; he keeps sending mixed signals; you can’t get over him; you can’t hate him and you don’t know what to do,” Seungkwan nods his head. “I say you confess to him. Just get it over and done with. Plus, he doesn’t really sound like the type of guy you’d go for so he must be special. Just tell him,” Seungcheol advises.

Seungkwan shakes his head profusely, “No, no, no. I can’t do that Seungcheol. I don’t _just_ like him, I also think he’s a nice person. He’s funny, a bit of a cunt, but cute. I hate to say it but I’m pretty much in love with his personality - he wears these ugly Supreme clothes so it’s not like I could really fall in love with his sense of fashion, anyways.”

“Damn, Seungkwan. You really like him. I don’t really know what else to say apart from to confess to him. That’s what I did to Jeonghan as soon as I realised I liked her and look at us now - we’re a dishevelled annoying couple but we’re happy. If you want to save yourself the pain of being led on - and trust me, it isn’t nice - then just do it soon. I don’t want to see you cry over boys - I already see you crying about expensive shoes enough,”

“Thanks for being so understanding,” Seungkwan gives a sarcastic jab. “That’s probably the best advice I’ll get though, so thank you.” He stands up from the seat and goes over to one of Seungcheol’s mirrors where he runs a hand through his fluffy blonde hair. He’s wearing suspenders on top of a casual top with ‘Brooklyn’ printed onto it even though he’s never been in his life - ‘ _it’s all in the name of fashion_ ’ he tells himself. He knows he looks good when Jeonghan looks at his reflection in the mirror and pouts, then looks at her own reflection and begins tearing up. Drunk people are the worst.

“Oh no,” Seungcheol notices the scene. “I’m just uh - gonna get changed. I’ll be right back,” he dashes away, trying to avoid an emotional Jeonghan. _Coward_.

“C’mon Jeonghannie, don’t cry. What’s wrong?” Seungkwan does his best to sound caring and takes her hand in his. He pats her back and lets her cry for a minute before sighing and holding her face. “Stop crying.”

Jeonghan’s tears reside. “I’m so ugly, Seungkwan,” she drunkly mumbles. “I look weird with this new hair.”

“Sh, no you don’t. You look great - you should take that as a compliment, I rarely say that kind of stuff.” Jeonghan manages a smile.

“But you look so cute today. Why are you prettier than me?” She pouts.

“No-one’s prettier than you, Jeonghan,” Seungkwan fuels her big-ass ego that he knows will make her stop throwing a fit. It works. She starts giggling and runs a hand through her choppy hair before glancing at her reflection again and smiling. She nods.

“Yeah, no one is.” Seungkwan sits her down and grabs a makeup wipe. “Are you gonna do my makeup? I’m so pretty that I even have a make-up artist,” she giggles again. Seungkwan ignores her dumb mumbling and rubs away the trails of mascara left on her cheeks and goes to apply a fresh layer on top. He then dabs some concealer on her cheeks to erase any possible evidence of her crying.

“See? You’re a lot prettier now than you aren’t crying. Go get your jacket, we’re leaving in a bit,” Seungkwan says.

The car journey is chaos but Seungkwan ends up making it through without having a terrible accident. Seungcheol’s car smells of disgusting Axe body spray that guys think that it makes them seem more masculine - it doesn’t, it just makes it seem like they are 12 year old boys going through puberty. They arrive promptly at the party, only 15 minutes late though it seems like they are hours late as people are already piling out the big house. When Seungcheol gave Seungkwan the directions to the destination, Seungkwan had plugged the address into his phone and wondered for a bit as it seemed to be quite far away - a 20(ish) minute drive which is very unusual for a student. Turns out that this The8 guy is loaded with money and lives in the calmer areas of the city. Seungkwan pulls over up at the front of the house and the three get out.

 

 

 

 

~~~

 

 

 

 

The8’s house is buzzing with energy, its white modern exterior bounces to the beats of a Drake song Seungkwan can barely recognise. When him and his two friends enter, Seungkwan opens his mouth in awe at the sheer size of the building and the large crowds gathered dancing in the halls that open up to the wide-set kitchen. The lights are flickering on and off to the beat, changing from pink to green to blue. The large staircase leading up to the top floor is littered with people holding red cups and laughing and Seungkwan immediately spots The8 when they make eye contact.

“Seungkwan! Jeonghan! Seungcheol!” The small guy greets them, both his hands occupied by a drink. He’s wearing some skinny black jeans and white converse, accompanied by a simple white top. Seungkwan laughs at his choice of accessories, though; he’s wearing a leopard-print faux fur coat and has 3 chains around his neck, making the simple outfit a lot more…jazzy, to put it kindly.

“I’m glad you all could make it, I’ve gotta sort out some people in the bathroom. I’m sorry I can’t sit and chat but I’ve got to kick some asses,” The8 waves his cup as he trudges up the staircase and sloshes some of the liquid inside on some innocent people.

“This is gonna be wild,” Seungcheol laughs and ruffles Seungkwan’s hair whilst the other envelops Jeonghan’s hand. “Be safe, kid. Don’t do something stupid, have fun and don’t drink. Or else I will find that guy you like and tell him you’re actually a lesbian.”

Seungkwan is left behind by the couple and heads over to the kitchen where he rummages through the cooler for a Coke. The lights flashing different colours hurt his eyes and he sees little black spots when he blinks his eyes. He looks over the unfamiliar faces and realises that he knows absolutely no-one and instead of sulking a long by the corner, he does what he does best: socialise.

There’s a lonely guy at the corner of the room, his eyes fixed on his drink as he bops his head to the song playing loudly. He’s cute and looks pretty harmless so Seungkwan decides to strike up a conversation with complimenting his shirt (which is branded with ‘ _Comme Des Garçons_ ’). The guy looks timid at first and then smiles warmly at Seungkwan’s interaction. He says his name is Joshua.

“Did you come here alone?” Seungkwan asks, sipping on the red cup discreetly filled with soda instead of alcohol.

“No, I came with my friend,” Joshua says. “He should be here somewhere, I’m not really into the party scene but he dragged me here without a choice. I’m basically being held hostage,”

Seungkwan laughs, “I feel you. I’m just here as a ‘chauffeur’. Love my friends,” he adds sarcastically.

“I should probably go look for my friend. He’s a bit of an idiot - really stupid when it comes to drinking. I’m like his carer most of the time, I don’t know how someone can cause so much trouble in such a little time.”

“Ah, okay. Do you need help finding him? I’ve got like another good 3 hours here and nothing to do apart from laugh at drunk people. What does he look like?” Seungkwan says. Joshua then proceeds to spend some time giving an evaluation of his friend: his name is Hansol, he’s tallish with brown semi-curly hair and is wearing a red hoodie. Seungkwan then asks for Joshua’s number after he’s finished giving his description just in case he ends up bumping into said ‘Hansol’.

“Thank you! This is really helpful, he might end up killing himself, for all I know - the guy is crazy after a couple of drinks.” Joshua smiles and then proceeds opening the nearest room (a bad mistake as he finds a guy and a blow-up dolphin inside). He then widens his eyes and turns back to Seungkwan. “I guess I’ll go look upstairs first.”

 

He continues talking to random people for another hour until he runs out of approachable people to speak to. Seungkwan sits on the sleek couches of the living room, sipping on his new cup of Fanta. There are people buzzing from the drinks and he even ends up dancing with a guy. That is until his spots a red hoodie. He excuses himself from the boy and wonders his way up to the guy in the red hoodie who’s facing the opposite way as he’s surrounded by a group of people. He’s apparently doing shots by the sounds of the loud cheering. He goes to investigate for the sake of his new acquaintance Joshua.

“Yes Vernon!” He hears the familiar voice of Mingyu chant. Then the groups around him counts down as Vernon shoves 3 shots into his mouth and Seungkwan gags just thinking about it. He’s too familiar with Vernon to even be shocked at his behaviour but he still grimaces when he makes eye contact with him. Vernon puts down his shot glass and a few of his friends give a disappointed moan when they notice his action. Mingyu barely registers Seungkwan after the blonde sweeps Vernon away from the gathering crowd into the hall and is left perplexed.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Seungkwan hates babying others but Vernon is in no state to be joked with. “You’re the dumbest person ever. You literally look so drunk already, no more alcohol for you unless you want to die.” Vernon whines and yanks on Seungkwan’s suspender.

“Seung-kwa-an,” he elongates his name. “I was having fun,” he hiccups. Seungkwan hates to admit that Vernon looks so cute with his cheeks all red from intoxication but he really does - specially with all the whining. _Stop it, Seungkwan, this is serious_. Then Vernon is looking far too red, and to be honest, a bit ill. Seungkwan’s eyes widen at the boy in-front of him and thinks quickly, opening the nearest door to his right and entering after grabbing a flower vase from the hall. He locks the door, switches on the light, dumps the contents of the case and sets Vernon on the bed with his head in between his legs - in all honesty, Seungkwan doesn’t really know what he’s doing but he rolls with it.

“Are you gonna be sick? Here hold this,” Seungkwan hands the sweating Vernon the container. Vernon barely stiffles a ‘yes’ after throwing up into the floral vase which is way too pretty to be decorated in vomit. Seungkwan rests beside Vernon and pats his back, refraining a retch from the scene. After a few minutes of a terrible smell of garlic bread and vodka, Vernon stops and he faces Seungkwan with his eyes watering; “I’m so sorry about this, wow,” he sounds slightly more sober than before but still has a slur in his voice.

“It’s fine, just let me get you some water. Stay right here, I’ll be back in a second,” Seungkwan sighs and slips out of the room. He doesn’t have time to make a joke out of the situation and seeing Vernon so shaken and sorry about Seungkwan witnessing him like this makes his heart cry out a little - it’s like a puppy being told off my its owner.

Seungkwan finds himself in the kitchen for the fourth time that night and spots Joshua immediately by fridge as he pours a glass of water. “Would your friend Hansol be coincidentally also named Vernon?” Seungkwan puts the pieces together. Joshua’s eyes light up and he nods. “How did you know?” Joshua asks.

“He’s in my photography class. Just to let you know, he’s being sick right now,” - Seungkwan bites his lip - “it’s a mess.”

“Oh, sh-“ Joshua stops himself from swearing. “Is it really bad? Oh dear, I should probably go take him home then.”

“Yeah, that’d be a good idea. Let him have some water first, I’ll bring him out in a bit, just wait here.” Seungkwan walks back to the room with the water in his hand and gives it to Vernon. He drinks like he’s never seen water in his life.

“Talk about thirsty,” Seungkwan laughs and Vernon rolls his eyes. “Are you feeling better?”

“Still fucking drunk,” Vernon laughs, “but I don’t feel sick. Let’s party!” Vernon grabs Seungkwan’s hand and just the motion has Seungkwan’s heart beating out of his chest. He halts.

“Not so fast, Chwe. You’re not doing anymore partying, you’re a wreck.”

Vernon pouts - _what is it with drunk people and pouting_? “No,” he whines. “Let’s have fun, Seungkwan! My bro. My boy. My pal. Very cool friend. We are at a party! At parties we have fun - why aren’t you drinking?”

“I’m driving people back - now stop talking, you sound like a twat,” a smile spreads on Seungkwan’s face.

“Are you making fun of me?” Vernon pokes his tongue out. Seungkwan just wants to squeeze him. The sweat covering his fringe is making the hair turn curly and the slight flush now looks like strategically placed blusher giving Vernon a playful look. His red hoodie matches the tips of Seungkwan’s ears and there’s silence as the two stare at each other in the dingy room that smells terrible.

Seungkwan can’t kiss him. He can’t. Vernon is intoxicated - drunk off his mind, and as Vernon leans in, Seungkwan tells himself that Vernon doesn’t want him, he just wants the affection. It’s not like Seungkwan hasn’t kissed people in a drunken state before, he has, and the kisses never meant anything to him the next day. In the dim light of the hanging bulb, Seungkwan’s blonde hair looks golden and his fringe bobs as he turns his head away from Vernon, avoiding any contact with their lips.

“No, Vernon. You don’t mean anything,” he says, disappointment laced in his voice. Vernon looks hurt - his face twists and his eyebrows frown at Seungkwan’s rejection. Seungkwan’s chewing on his lip in guilt, a bead of sweat dripping down his forehead. “You’re drunk.”

Vernon lazily shakes his head and droops. “I like you,” he says. He then takes Seungkwan’s face in both hands, his hands pressing softly against his cheeks and squeezing them. His brown curly fringe is inches away from Seungkwan and quite unromantically, Seungkwan can smell the garlic bread.

“You don’t, you’re drunk! Stop leading me on, you must clearly know I like you - Mingyu probably said something stupid. You can’t expect to drag me along to gardens and pass me notes in class; you can’t just call me cute and pretend that that’s a friend thing to do; you can’t just say you like me and try to kiss me when you don’t even reciprocate any of my feelings - fucking hell, why do I feel like I’m in the worst romance movie ever?” Seungkwan says. “I hate the fact that I’m only having the balls to tell you how I feel right now and you won’t even remember anything in the morning. I hate-“

He’s cut off with Vernon colliding his lips onto Seungkwan’s, the force of it all makes Seungkwan wince and Vernon uses this as an entrance. He glides his tongue along Seungkwan’s mouth and presses his lips hard against the blonde’s. Seungkwan can only respond by kissing him back, tears forming in his eyes. He pulls back.

“I hate you,” he tells Vernon who looks more than sorry. “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you,” Seungkwan repeats as he runs out of the room and straight out the front entrance. He gets a few concerned looks as he makes his way to the parked car outside the house and he locks himself inside, turning the radio on max. He sends a text to Jeonghan and Seungcheol telling them he’s waiting for them to leave. He needs to leave.


	5. 5 - his room.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stop fronting and tell me  
> I I I want you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took so long to write because honestly, i didn't know what i was writing half the time but it turned out pretty good ngl; anyways, enjoy lol  
> also,,, DONT WANNA CRY is SUCH a banger. i love stanning legends.

The ride back is horrid, to say the least.

 

Jeonghan and Seungcheol rushed into the backseat and hadn’t questioned Seungkwan, specially the tears dripping down his cheeks which he fought hard to contain. The only sign of comfort demonstrated was Jeonghan’s hand that rested on Seungkwan’s shoulder as he drove - even in her drunken state, she knew her friend was in need of a hand (quite literally). At around 1am, Seungkwan finally dumps his two friends at Seungcheol’s dorm and accompanies them upstairs, afraid that Jeonghan would do something stupid and fall to her death down the stairs and (possibly) die if he didn’t - to be fair, the chances were pretty high, knowing Jeonghan. As soon as she steps foot inside the room, she passes out and Seungcheol manages a grin before joining her on the couch and not bothering to even slip his shoes off. Seungkwan closes the door gently before sleepily walking outside. 

 

The night is mostly quiet and serene as he walks along the cracked side-walk, aside from the swooshing of the cars that drive against wet tarmac. He can't drive home as Seungcheol would then have no car the next morning and he wonders why he hadn't thought of this dilemma before agreeing to assist Seungcheol and Jeonghan as their 'chauffeur'. The next best thing Seungkwan can think of is to stick his arm out to passing taxis, praying to dear God that he won't be abducted by a strange white male with a fetish for crying, puffy Korean boys.

 

Perhaps the only good thing that happens to Seungkwan is getting home quickly in the back of an old man's taxi. He stumbles wearily inside his own room, struggling to turn the key, and immediately gets dressed into old sweatpants and a white hoodie he had stolen from Wonwoo at the beginning of the year. As he makes his way into the bathroom, he notices his reflection and oh man, does it look bad. His eyes are puffy and sore, his cheeks are red and stained and his eyelashes have clumped together from all the rubbing. He sniffs away his trouble and washes his face with cold water, making his already red face even redder. He sighs and climbs into bed without a single word but instead, his thoughts do all the talking.

 

The last thing he remembers before slipping into unconsciousness are the chapped lips inches away from his own and the terrible smell of garlic bread and vodka to his distaste. He doesn't think he can stomach garlic bread anymore, which is a shame on it’s own as who doesn’t like garlic bread?

 

He awakes to the sounds of loud banging on his door and he rubs away the sleep from his eyes as he inches his way out of bed. _Who the fuck is it?_ In Seungkwan’s opinion, anything before 10 am is far too early to deal with and his alarm clock reads 9:59 which marks no exception. He wonders his way to the front door of his dorm room and opens it to find a weary Wonwoo who throws his arms around Seungkwan.

 

“Seungcheol texted me about last night and how you were crying,” he explains to a sleepy Seungkwan. He then begins ruffling the younger’s blonde hair unnecessarily - “What happened? Is it really bad? I will never let you go to a party without me again, mark my words - even if it means failing History. If anyone beat you up for wearing suspenders then I relate, but also, I will fight them for you, I swear -“

 

Seungkwan raises an eyebrow and looks offended; “First of all, why the fuck are you here to criticise my suspenders? You, of all people, should understand what a look that is. Second of all, I was asleep. And yeah… it’s quite bad.”

 

Wonwoo invites himself inside and sits at the bottom of Seungkwan’s bed as the other makes his way back into his covers. The room is dark but small strips of sunlight illuminate his room so he can vaguely picture the worry on Wonwoo’s face which is clearly edging him into spilling the reason for Seungkwan’s tears the night before.

 

“Well,” Seungkwan begins and breathes in. “I was at the party and Vernon was there.” Wonwoo gasps rather dramatically but Seungkwan continues - “He was being sick into this really nice vase, but then he like, leans into me. Then he says he likes me. Then he kisses me. Then I tell him everything about my dumb, ugly crush on him and how he’s a fuckboy and that I hate him. Then he looks like a dumb fuck so then I decide to, you know… listen to Lana Del Rey in the car and try not to kill myself,” he sums up.

 

Wonwoo doesn’t really know what to say and sits there, with his mouth open and his eyes blinking in search for a coherent response. “Seungkwan,” is all he manages to say with empathy in his voice. “I’m - I - I don’t know what to say.”

 

“Clearly,” Seungkwan laughs and kicks at Wonwoo through his covers. “I cried over an actual rapper-wannabe. I don’t really know what to say either.”

 

“Was it a good kiss at least?”

 

“The _worst_. Garlic bread, vodka and vomit are not a good combination, you know.” This makes Wonwoo cringe in disgust.

 

After a few minutes of pure contemplation at Seungkwan’s kissing experience and teasing the hell out of him for it, Wonwoo rises from his seat on Seungkwan’s bed and takes his phone out of his hoodie pocket to look at the time. “My class starts in 15 minutes. Text me if you want anything - I’m a great friend, I know. You don’t have to tell me.”

 

Seungkwan nods his head in gratitude. “I might need a big fat tub of ice cream. I have photography at 12 and will probably not make it through the day without feeling sorry myself after this whole crush incident,” he tries a smile and ends up sniffing in remembrance.

 

“You’ve always been the emotional type. Remember when that Korean singer you like favourited your tweet? You didn’t stop crying for 4 days,” Wonwoo laughs at Seungkwan. The other pouts and crosses his arms.

 

“Um, I’ll have you know that it wasn’t just a Korean singer, but it was fucking _Ailee_. International goddess. Didn’t you say you had class? If you’re gonna stay here to just make fun of me, I’ll have you know I do not appreciate this kind of ‘cheering-up’. You’ll always be an emo with no feelings. Go back to MySpace and take your round glasses with you,” Seungkwan scoffs.

 

“I’m _blind._ They are not a fashion accessory unlike your ugly-ass suspenders. And I stopped posting on MySpace in 2010, okay? You need someone with no feelings like me to outweigh your ridiculous mood swings. Bye, I’ll text you later.” Wonwoo leaves out the door but not without blowing Seungkwan a sarcastic kiss. Still though, Seungkwan has to give it to Wonwoo for making him smile when all he wants to do is shrivel up into his bedsheets and become a decomposition of well-dressed trash. Wonwoo isn’t too bad (sometimes).

 

 

After contemplating his appearance, Seungkwan manages to wobble his way out the block of dorms and into the warm air. He wears a long-sleeved white top under a plain, pastel pink t-shirt with some worn jeans although the sky set high in the sky suggests this as a bad mistake. Seungkwan can already feel himself perspire in the heat. Thank god he skipped on the blusher today or else he would be looking like how he did after last night’s events - red and dead. He had pondered in front of the mirror; should he look like how he feels or look like how he wants to feel? He chose the latter in the end just to make Vernon feel sorry for making him cry. To be honest, Seungkwan has a feeling that Vernon probably won’t be able to remember a single thing after drinking a literal bottle of vodka - he guesses that’s a good thing as he had basically spilt all his feelings to Vernon in comparison to Vernon, whom had just spilt his stomach all over his shoes. Seungkwan shudders at the thought of last night and continues walking down the street with his backpack loosely hung on his shoulder.

 

His steps get slower as he approaches the lecture hall and his worn Dr. Martens squeak along the tiled floor as he makes an entrance and instantly catches the eye of a certain boy. He keeps his eyes down and twiddles with his septum ring.

 

Seungkwan fidgets as he takes the seat next to Vernon, his pen twirling aimlessly around his index finger and thumb and Seungkwan can’t help but think how _dumb_ he’s being over a drunk interaction. His head is a swirling mess and he’s thinking too many thoughts at once. Vernon says something. Seungkwan turns to face him and almost emits a sigh at the sight of Vernon: he looks so happy, so smiley. He’s wearing a white shirt for the first time (it still has ‘ _Supreme’_ printed in bold but he decides to ignore this) - something Seungkwan has never seen before on Vernon and he wonders why he looks so _good_ today when Seungkwan is meant to be mad at him.

 

“Hey,” Vernon smiles and swivels on his cushioned chair to properly face Seungkwan. “I’ve been thinking.” Seungkwan hums for him to continue and tries hard not to glare at him. Vernon clears his throat.

 

“I’ve been thinking. Though, not gonna lie, it’s been really hard to think with this banging head-ache. I tried to remember what happened last night but all I can remember is you. And being sick in Joshua’s car - but mostly you. And uh - well…” Vernon raises his eyes to Seungkwan.

 

“You want me to tell you what happened?” Seungkwan asks with sarcastic amusement. Vernon nods.

 

“You kissed me.”

 

Vernon’s eyes grow wide and his knee bangs against the hard wood of his desk, irritating some guys sat in front of them. Another girl shushes them and the professor sends daggers their way.

 

Vernon is silent for what seems like years but in retrospect, it’s something more like 2 minutes. He leans into Seungkwan and whispers: “I think today is a good day to ditch.” Seungkwan can’t help but agree with him for the first time.

 

 

 

 

~~~

 

 

 

 

Vernon somehow ends up leading Seungkwan into his own dorm which is a good 20-minute walk from campus and has Seungkwan panting under the hot weather – he now definitely regrets wearing layers, as much as he does looks cute wearing them. To accompany the long, silent walk are the 4 sets of stairs Seungkwan can barely manage in order to reach the dorm and once they finally arrive, Seungkwan has had enough time to picture and plan the layout of Vernon’s room.

 

Seungkwan's prediction is utterly correct. He had expected to see a mess and that’s what he gets. As he steps inside, a wave of the scent of sweat and beer hits him and he widens his eyes at Vernon, momentarily forgetting that he’s mad at him. _How can he live this way?_

 

“I live with Mingyu, okay? He’s the one that smells, not me.” Vernon tries to defend himself.

 

Seungkwan sniffs. Then sniffs again to make sure what he’s smelling is correct. He pauses before asking: “Do I smell weed or is that just piss?”

 

“Both, probably. Mingyu came back from that party smashed and took a hit as soon as he stepped foot in here; you may think he’s a good guy because he’s an English Lit major but in all fairness, all he ever does is get stoned.” Vernon shakes his head at the mess which is his dorm.

 

“And you tried to set me up with _that_?” Seungkwan asks.

 

Vernon stifles a laugh. “I mean, he’s hot, right?” Seungkwan can’t help but agree.

 

The two make their way to Vernon’s bedroom and Seungkwan is surprised to find it semi-tidy when he walks in; there are old indie movie posters everywhere and though the room is pretty small, there is still a record player on top of his drawer with a couple of vinyl littered on the floor – there’s some old school albums Seungkwan can recognise but most of them look strange and unfamiliar. It’s completely not what Seungkwan would have expected from Vernon. 

 

Vernon opens the blinds of his room and throws his covers on top of his bed which Seungkwan ends up sitting on top of - it’s already messed up, anyway. Seungkwan scans his eyes around until Vernon begins speaking.

 

“So… we kissed?” Seungkwan nods. “Was it good?” Vernon shows an embarrassed smile. Oh god, how was Seungkwan going to break it to the poor guy that it was the worst kiss he’s ever had in his life?

 

“It was… interesting. I’m not sure if you could count that as much of a kiss - it was mostly you putting your tongue in my mouth. Limp.” Seungkwan laughs at Vernon and pats the empty space on the bed next to him. Vernon promptly sits with his ears tainted red.

 

“I can’t believe I did that.”

 

“Me neither. You make it impossible for me to be mad at you but I’m going to be mad at you.” Seungkwan breathes in and faces Vernon. The other boy has his head cocked to the side in questioning. “So, last night you said you liked me. Which is all well with me, honestly. Oh God, this is so cringe; I hate being dramatic and shit but I’m mad because you were drunk and I’m not sure what to feel, you get me? These past months where you’ve been sending me links to videos of people falling over and making jokes under your breath in photography class are suggesting that you like me as a friend. But.” He stops for a moment to conjure his thoughts into an okay sounding sentence, which at this point is not going to happen as Seungkwan is practically confessing to sober Vernon.

 

“But, when you take me to gardens and stick notes onto my text books and fucking _kiss_ me. You are good at killing gay guys.”

 

Vernon sits in silence for a few seconds before responding. “Ah. I see why you would be mad at me.”

 

Seungkwan punches him on the shoulder and makes him wince - “I’m not kidding, Vernon. You’re being the biggest fuckboy right now. I would be fine if you said you just wanted to be friends, I just want you to… to stop fronting all the time.” Seungkwan is beyond concealing his red cheeks and just looks Vernon straight in the eye - he can see the guilt in those topaz irises.

 

“I do want to be friends with you, I really do. You’re cool and I love your style and I don’t think I’ve ever had a thing for a boy before,” he scratches the back of his neck and sighs. “It’s difficult to admit that I like you because I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve always liked girls but with you, it’s kind of like I value our friendship more than how quick I can get in your pants.”

 

“Charming.” Seungkwan scoffs but also can’t help fighting back the smile tugging at his lips. Then he realises what Vernon’s just said. _Fuck. He likes him._

 

“Uh. Did you just say you liked me?” Seungkwan says.

 

“I guess.”

 

“You’re the _worst_. You just said you liked me and now all you can respond with is ‘I guess’? I’m not sure if I like you anymore,” he jokes and Vernon places his hand on Seungkwan’s shoulder.

 

“What I’m trying to say is; we should just go along with this. I really like this - the way we were before and the way we are now.” Vernon says, his grip tightening softly against Seungkwan’s shoulder in a comforting manner.

 

Seungkwan smiles and nods. “I’ll ease the gay onto you,” he laughs and Vernon flicks his forehead.

 

“I’m not _gay_ , I’m just into guys who wear berets and pretend to be funny. I can’t deny the fact that you also have a good ass, so I guess that’s a plus.”

 

Seungkwan wheezes and hides his face with his hands; “You are _so_ gay. You’ve been checking my ass out all this time, oh my god. You’re truly greasy.”

 

They sit laughing for a while before Vernon rises from the bed and walks to his drawer, where he then grabs the camera placed next to his record player. “Sit there, don’t move,” he says and Seungkwan does so (he breathes in lightly to accentuate his jawline but that’s barely counted as moving). Seungkwan then hears a shutter noise, then another, and another. He stays still for a minute until Vernon walks over to him on the bed, the camera in his hands. He shows him the picture he’s just taken of Seungkwan; he’s sat on bundled sheets with his jeans hung loosely around his legs. The light coming in through the window opposite Vernon’s bed showers Seungkwan in warm light and in contrast to the vinyl and dirty clothes on the ground, Seungkwan looks like something stable and neat in Vernon room - in Vernon’s life. Seungkwan grins at the picture and then at Vernon who smiles back. “I love it,” he says.


	6. 6 - in his arms.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something finally happens between them lol

“You’re ditching me again?” Wonwoo says, sounding more hurt than how he looks.

 

“I’m not ditching you,” Seungkwan laughs at Wonwoo who’s standing outside the door of Seungkwan’s dorm with a coffee in his hand and the other tucked into his pocket. “I’m just mildly cancelling our plans for tonight.” He tries hard not to look suspicious.

 

“But you don’t normally cancel. Or do homework, for a fact.” Wonwoo says as he thinks over the unrealistic excuse Seungkwan gave him to cancel their movie marathon night. “A new episode of RuPaul is airing tonight – you would never miss an iconic moment like this for fucking homework.” He pouts.

 

“I’m a studious person, what can I say.” The blonde shrugs and Wonwoo scoffs at the statement.

 

“Studious my ass. Is this something to do with Vernon? I know you, Seungkwan, nothing escapes the Wonwoo Jeon premises – especially if it involves your love life. Spill.”

 

Seungkwan whines and opens his door wide for Wonwoo to make an entrance, wearing a loose white shirt and some striped trousers alongside a leather jacket. Unlike Wonwoo, Seungkwan is sporting a more casual look of a yellow graphic-tee and ripped jeans as he’s been lounging around in his room all morning pondering what on earth he’s going to do about his current situation. He takes a turn into his small kitchen and switches on the kettle, where Wonwoo follows and marks his seat on one of the marble countertops. Seungkwan goes to reach for two mugs before proceeding to explain his reasoning behind the cancellation of the legendary ‘Seungkwan and Wonwoo Movie Night’ that has been ongoing without a single interruption since the beginning of time.

 

“Something happened yesterday.” He briefly explains. “It involves Vernon.”

 

“Stop trying so hard to be mysterious and just tell me, Seungkwan. You’re about as mysterious as I am straight.”

 

“Jesus, alright.” Seungkwan grimaces as he places a green-tea bag in the mugs and begins pouring in the hot water. “I went into his dorm and I told him how I felt and then he’s like ‘let’s just see how it goes, you know. I’m not gay but…’,” Seungkwan stops to look at Wonwoo’s reaction and it’s truly priceless. Wonwoo looks at a loss for words, which at the moment is a common sight by the reveals of Seungkwan and Vernon’s relationship, but the funniest thing of all is how Wonwoo slides off the counter and onto his ass on the floor from shock.

 

Seungkwan bursts into laughter and helps his friend up who slips on the tile floors as he had taken his shoes off - slippy surfaces and socks are _not_ a good combo.

 

“Are you okay?” Seungkwan pauses in between breaths. “I love being friends with you because you do the dumbest shit sometimes. Yeah, anyway, as I was saying: so, he’s just a little gay for me.” He motions the teaspoon at Wonwoo (who has decided to just stand by the cabinets) as a questioning of ‘ _how many sugars do you want?_ ’ Wonwoo motions for two with his fingers and Seungkwan then stirs the sugar into the tea.

 

“Wow. Okay. Then if you guys are kind of a ‘thing’ then why are you cancelling tonight?” Wonwoo asks, taking the mugs in both hands and proceeding into Seungkwan’s small living room where they sit on the floor behind Seungkwan’s wooden coffee table.

 

“My dear friend, Wonwoo. Vernon has invited me to his mess of a dorm tonight. Now, not to make you panic or anything but I’m legitimately on the verge of shitting myself because everything we’ve done up to this moment has been improvised and unpredictable and now _this_ comes along. A planned event. In his _dorm_. _Alone._ ” Seungkwan sets his mug down and looks suicidal, because quite frankly, he is. It’s one thing for Vernon to say he wants to continue as they were before and then it’s another thing to be tackled by the fact that Vernon _likes_ him. And wants to spend _time alone_ with him. Seungkwan can’t quite wrap his head around Vernon’s thoughts when all he wants to do is wrap his arms around him. He wants to do everything and nothing with Vernon at the same time. He’s never been more confused.

 

“Fuck.” Is all that Wonwoo can breathe out as he sits there, legs crossed and fingers tapping on the table.

 

“Yeah, fuck.” Seungkwan agrees.

 

They let their tea grow cold as the two keep talking about other things apart from whole situation which is driving Seungkwan insane. Wonwoo doesn’t know how to answer or give advice like he usually does so he just starts complaining about the guy in his History class that’s too tall for his own good and that keeps checking him out.

 

“He sits in front of me and I cannot see a single thing. I thought I was tall, and then there he is – blocking the board with his massive fucking head.” Wonwoo says.

 

“Wait. How tall is he?” Seungkwan widens his eyes at Wonwoo who motions to a couple inches taller than him. “Has he got brown hair? Wonky smile? Really nice shoes?”

 

Wonwoo gapes at him and nods. “I think Mingyu is in your class.”

 

“Wait.” Wonwoo gapes even more. “ _The_ Mingyu? The one you went to Panda Express with? Vernon’s friend, Mingyu?” Seungkwan nods and grins at Wonwoo.

 

“He’s cute, right? Shame he’s a stoner and an Eng Lit major or else I would’ve legit dropped Vernon for him, not gonna lie.” Seungkwan admits and Wonwoo nudges him, laughing. “No, I’m just kidding – Vernon’s probably a stoner too, for all I know.”

 

“Funny how you’ve had a crush on Vernon for like, nearly two months now and you still don’t know anything about him.”

 

“I _do._ We’re just taking it slow, okay? No need to rush him into things – it’s taken him this long for him to actually admit the fact he likes me.” Seungkwan says, sipping on his half-drunk cold tea. “I don’t really know what we’re even doing tonight. I’ll bombard him with questions to make up for it.”

 

Wonwoo wiggles his brows at Seungkwan who spits out his tea and makes Wonwoo scowl and laugh. “ _No. Definitely_ not. We’re not doing anything sexual, don’t even suggest it. He’s not being a fuckboy with me, anyway. I won’t allow that to happen.”

 

“You say that but as soon as he remotely says anything nice to you, you’ll be jumping on him. You’re like that.” Wonwoo chuckles, adjusting his glasses. Seungkwan rolls his eyes.

 

“Whatever. Now I’ve kind of gotten a…romantic interest who reciprocates my feelings…” Wonwoo raises his brow, “kind of reciprocates my feelings, then.” Seungkwan corrects himself. “It’s time for you to do the same. I honestly think you and Mingyu could hit it off – you’re both annoying. Then that means you guys can stop annoying both of us: the number of times I’ve seen Mingyu following Vernon around makes _me_ seem moderately normal.”

 

“Yeah, he’s cute but he looks _too good._ Like the kind of boy that is too nice and too gentle, too attractive for his own good, if you get me?” Wonwoo says.

 

“I don’t. That’s the biggest bullshit I’ve heard you say, oh my god.” Seungkwan starts laughing. “ _Too good?_ What kind of excuse is that? The closest to pussy that I’m ever getting to is _you_ – you’re being such a coward right now, Wonwoo. You’ve been the one egging me on to confess to Vernon all this time and just speaking to _one_ guy is too difficult for you? I,”

 

“You’re so harsh sometimes, geez,” Wonwoo looks offended but carries a small smile. Just thinking about Mingyu has him grinning, even though he hasn’t been able to pay attention to History class for the past week. “Fine I’ll ask him for his number tomorrow, then. Happy?”

 

“Very. Now help me pick an outfit for tonight. He’s picking me up at seven.”

 

 

 

 

~~~

 

 

 

 

 

Seungkwan has never ran down the four sets of stairs of his dorm building so quickly in his life that he’s afraid he might trip on his white high-top converse as he makes his way down. Vernon is beeping his car violently as Seungkwan emerges out the building and throws him a death glare when he opens the passenger door of Vernon’s beaten up Audi and buckles himself up with a seatbelt that is so tattered it’s practically useless.

 

Vernon flashes him a grin. “You were two minutes late.”

 

“You’re unbelievable.” Seungkwan cracks a smile and gets a hold of the AUX cord, attaching his phone to it. “I’m not listening to your shitty Top 40s playlist.”

 

Vernon doesn’t look away from the back as he reverses but still gasps. “I do _not_ listen to the Top 40s – my music taste is not that generic. I like just about everything as long as it’s not ugly emo shit – Joshua went through that phase last year and now I can’t make it through a _My Chemical Romance_ song without wanting to kill myself. I do love J. Cole, if that’s even considered generic. Do you have data? Play [_January 28th_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijy2GFWqeAs) _,_ I think you’ll like that one.”

 

Seungkwan scrunches his nose but admits defeat as the rap song softly blows through Vernon’s radio speakers. He nods his head along and Vernon taps his hand on the steering wheel and Seungkwan thinks how accustomed they’ve become to each other. Seungkwan, to be honest, had not been expecting Vernon to be so easy going and comfortable to be around in comparison to their awkward first encounter where every sentence that escaped his lips was impossible to answer to without starting with ‘ _uh_ ’. Seungkwan smiles thinking about it, how much Vernon has opened up since. At a red light, Vernon turns his head to look at Seungkwan in his white turtleneck and pink culottes fiddling with his septum piercing and his heart stops just like his old bashed up car does.

 

“You’re cute,” Vernon finds himself muttering as the next song starts playing, one from Seungkwan’s happy indie playlist this time. Seungkwan turns his head to meet his eyes and his cheeks tint pink when they do – he doesn’t think he’ll ever get enough of those hazel eyes.

 

Their little moment is interrupted by the cars behind beeping at them to go as the red light turns to green and Vernon is rushing for the gear-stick while his whole face flushes in embarrassment. They lurch forward and Seungkwan lets out a harmonious laugh and makes fun of Vernon for the whole ten-minute ride until they arrive at his dorm.

 

“I made Mingyu tidy up before he went out with The8’s house,” Vernon jumbles with the keys at the door. He opens up the door to reveal a semi-tidy dorm, to Seungkwan’s surprise. He walks in to the scent of Vernon – a minty fresh smell he’s noticed – which he guesses was sprayed in order to conceal the smell of teenage boy and perspiration from the stress of two uni students with too many essays to write. “I don’t think Mingyu will be back anytime tonight so you’re free to stay until whatever time. I can take you back whenever.” He guides Seungkwan into his own room.

 

The albums and clothes that had been on the floor yesterday when Seungkwan had made a surprise appearance have vanished and are probably stuffed in one of Vernon’s drawers but still, Seungkwan appreciates the effort that Vernon puts in to achieve the image of being kind of put-together.

 

He kicks his shoes off and claims a spot on Vernon’s single bed that’s pressed up against the wall, sitting with the frame-board against his back. Vernon asks him if he wants a beer and he nods his head yes. Vernon leaves the room to the kitchen and leaves enough time for Seungkwan to inspect his room because let’s face the facts, Seungkwan has had a fat crush on Vernon for two months now and is desperate to leech any information about him, even if it involves looking like a creepy idiot as he examines the posters plastered on Vernon’s wall.

 

Seungkwan commends him on his choice of film-genre although he’s not a fan of action movies. Then there’s a basketball poster above his bed and next to his mirror is a _Drake_ poster that Seungkwan tries hard not to grimace at. There’s a red-wine stain on the corner of Vernon’s rug and by his drawer is a simple desk with a dying plant placed on top. Seungkwan sighs at Vernon’s state, guessing that this is probably the first time he’s tidied his bedroom since he moved in with Mingyu. He can imagine the chaos the two get up to - he doesn’t want to, but he does. Mingyu, a mess and Vernon, a hardcore partier with an unlikely hobby of taking photographs. Seungkwan scans his head a little more and almost misses Vernon’s door which is coated in processed images and Polaroids of flowers, people and buildings. They all have a little description scribbled on at the bottom and Seungkwan can’t resist walking over to the door where he reads some of them: There’s a picture of the Empire State Building that reads ‘ _February 18 th, 98. Empire State’, _then there’s a rather unflattering picture of Mingyu taking a hit from a bong captioned _‘Mingyu and his boyfriend, Bongbong’._ Seungkwan laughs at that one. There’s hundreds of them. He thinks he spots something familiar by the bottom of the door and thus he crouches to see it. It’s a picture of him on the day that Vernon had taken him to the gardens – he has his legs sprawled out in the grass and is smiling with his eyes shut at Vernon. He stifles a laugh in remembrance and reads the caption: ‘ _Seungkwan in the sun with flowers.’_ It’s cheesy but it’s cute nonetheless and Seungkwan grins, crouching down.

 

“What are you laughing at?” He hears Vernon’s steps come closer. Then he feels a pain on his forehead and goes to clutch it, whilst laughing at the fact that Vernon has just hit him in the face with a door.

 

“Oh my god, Seungkwan, are you okay?” Vernon sits down on the ground next to Seungkwan who’s laughing too hard for his own good. “Stop laughing, are you hurt?” He genuinely looks concerned. He moves the hand Seungkwan has on his forehead away and brings the cool beer he had brought with him to the red patch forming there. “You should’ve told me you were there, at least. You’re so dumb, I could’ve broken your nose or something.” Vernon says and brings Seungkwan up from the floor.

 

“Sorry.” Seungkwan says. “I was looking at your pictures. I always forget how good you are at photography because of how much you annoy me,” he holds the beer to his forehead and sits on the stained rug placed on the floor. Vernon does the same and cracks his own beer open, taking a large gulp before turning to speak to Seungkwan.

 

“I was thinking about you yesterday,” Seungkwan interjects him to roll his eyes and laugh before allowing Vernon to continue. “I was thinking about you yesterday _and_ about the fact that I don’t know all the little things about you that I’m really curious of. Like, I don’t know your favourite food or your favourite colour or how you feel about pineapple on pizza – all the important questions.” He cracks a smile.

 

“Kimbap and McDonalds, any pastel colours and _yes._ Pineapple was made to be on pizza.” Seungkwan answers. He stretches his feet out so they’re lying on top of Vernon’s crossed legs – he isn’t going to push their physical contact but he can’t resist. Vernon nods his head eagerly at the pineapple comment.

 

“ _Right?_ I don’t get why people are so hateful towards it. Okay it’s your turn to ask the questions.” Vernon says.

 

Seungkwan stops for a moment to think of some questions; “Who’s your celebrity crush, how did you become friends with Mingyu and why do you always wear black?”

 

“You,” he answers to the first question and Seungkwan nudges him on the rib with his foot. “Mingyu and I have been friends since high school and I don’t know. I guess you can’t go wrong with black, right?”

 

“Fair point. And wait, you’ve been friends with Mingyu for that long? Wow, that’s actually really impressive, kudos to Mingyu for sticking around with your shit for so long.” Seungkwan laughs.

 

 

They keep talking and interchanging questions for a large period of time. The passing cars outside slow down and turn quieter as the time approaches twelve, the windows of other apartments visible through Vernon’s window turn their lights off and the two sit with their knees touching. There’s nearly a dozen cans on the floor and Seungkwan is giggling at something stupid Vernon says (which is all the time).

 

“No think about it; what if our reflections in a mirror are living parallel lives from ours but _differently_ so every time we look in the mirror we’re looking into a different dimension and a different life.” Vernon explains, finishing off his sixth beer.

 

“Shut up, you’re drunk.” Seungkwan sniggers and throws an empty can at Vernon’s head. “That doesn’t make sense because then our reflections would be doing the same stuff as us all the time which defeats the purpose of there being a different dimension. Your logic is not there once again.”

 

Vernon groans and clutches his head. “Hey, you don’t need to hit me. It’s just a theory.” He yawns and stretches his feet out onto Seungkwan where Seungkwan takes the time to openly gape at Vernon in his white shirt, black jeans and inebriated gaze.

 

“Oh shit, I can’t drive you back like this. What time is it?” Vernon gets his phone out from his back-pocket and looks over at Seungkwan with his lips pursed. “It’s quarter past twelve. Fuck. I can call Mingyu if you want?”

 

“Can I just stay over?” The straightforwardness oozes from Seungkwan and he asks the question on impulse. Vernon looks a little taken back before nodding his head. He stares at Seungkwan, sitting on his rug with his eyes half shut, the warm light of his lamp casting shadows of his eyelashes on his cheeks that are red from the alcohol and an urge to just _kiss_ the blonde washes over him.

 

A moment passes until Vernon utters the words Seungkwan has been so desperate to hear since the beginning of the night; “Can I kiss you?”

 

“My second drunk kiss with you has been scored,” he pouts but nonetheless pulls Vernon in so their foreheads touch. He ignores the shot of pain he gets at this as he’s reminded of the door incident where his forehead has been left with a small bump.

 

“I promise that next time I won’t be drunk. I’m just a coward.” Vernon breathes out, this time smelling like his usual self and not like garlic bread. Seungkwan smiles into his cheek and then grabs a hold of his shirt pulling their lips together.

 

Their lips glide against each other with little force, softly and delicately. Vernon isn’t eager to rush things. He places his hands on Seungkwan’s chest and pushes him down to the floor so that Seungkwan’s back is hitting the rug and he can hold himself up on top to look at him. Seungkwan’s hands trace circles on his back and Vernon giggles into the kiss, making Seungkwan smile and slip his tongue inside. The hands on his back gravitate to Vernon’s hair and he pats the frizzy curls smooth as Vernon deepens the kiss and nibbles on Seungkwan lip, causing him to lightly moan.

 

“I swear you want me dead,” Seungkwan lets out a shaky breath and tries to conceal his cheeks with his hands from the noise emitted from his mouth.

 

“That was cute, don’t hide your face.”

 

“I’m getting such a sense of déjà vu from this,” Seungkwan mutters and doesn’t hesitate to return his hands back to the nape of Vernon’s neck to bring their lips together once again.

 

After a few minutes of much more forceful making-out and even more embarrassing noises, Seungkwan complains; “My ass hurts, Vernon. The floor is not a very romantic place, either.”

 

Vernon eases his way back and grabs a hold of Seungkwan’s hand as he hauls him up and pushes him back into his bed. “Better?” Vernon asks with a grin. Seungkwan nods and gulps at how dominant Vernon has gotten. _Since when was he like this?_

 

Vernon’s sweaty palms find their way to the side of Seungkwan’s face, holding him closely so every inch of their bodies is connected in some way or another. He brushes his lips against the blonde’s and pecks him once, twice which ends up with Seungkwan giggling at him. They kiss like their lips are made for it. Seungkwan pulls away for a moment to catch his breath and barely grazes Vernon’s top lip in a teasing motion which makes Vernon grimace and roll his eyes. Seungkwan knots fists into Vernon’s now-creased shirt and pulls him back down, not wanting gentleness anymore. Vernon groans slightly, low in his throat, and then Seungkwan can feel the semi hard-on grazing his thigh as Vernon leaves his lips red and swollen. Seungkwan widens his eyes when Vernon brings his hand under his shirt and is annoyed to put the events to a stop.

 

“Woah, there.” Seungkwan says as he pushes Vernon away softly, his hands on his chest. “Not now, we’re drunk.” Vernon looks at him through his brown bangs.

 

“Not yet, then.” Vernon says and Seungkwan nudges him on the shoulder. He can’t help but agree.

 

“So much for taking it slow,” Seungkwan eyes Vernon’s evident bulge and then at his own. “We’re fucked, lol.”

Vernon laughs. “I never said anything about taking it slow – I said, ‘let’s see how things go’.”

 

“You’re just a horny teen.”

“Correct.”

 

Seungkwan sighs, defeated. “Not yet.” He reinforces again. I’ve never…”

 

“Me neither. Well, at least with a guy. We’re in this together, Seungkwan.” Vernon says, a smile spreading on his face. “If you’re not ready to do anything yet, we don’t have to.”

 

“No, _I do._ ” Seungkwan tries hard not to sound eager but he’s past the point of hiding his feelings to Vernon. “Just not like this; I want it to be memorable. And I want us to be _okay_ , first.”

 

“Are we not right now?” Vernon asks, taking a seat next to Seungkwan.

 

“Well, yeah but,” Seungkwan puffs out his cheeks. “I want to know that you like me. Like, really like me. Enough to be my boyfriend, like me.”

 

Vernon grins at him. Seungkwan smiles back, his cheeks all soft and his lips red and then Vernon furrows his brows. “Shit, I can’t do this when you’re looking at me like that. Can we continue this after I’m -“ he glances down at his crotch. Seungkwan laughs and nods.

 

“Take your time.”

 

Seungkwan lies on his bed thinking this whole situation through, though the alcohol clouding his mind is making things more difficult than they need to be. Vernon is quick, the shower stops in under five minutes and he comes tumbling back into the room with his hair tousled and wet and his shirt clinging onto his chest, his sweatpants low on his hips. It’s hard for Seungkwan not to drool.

 

“Do you have anything to change into?” Vernon asks as he rummages through his drawers. He tosses Seungkwan some shorts and a shirt when the other shakes his head no.

 

Seungkwan heads to the bathroom, changing quickly into the shirt which is _way_ too big for him and surpasses the shorts so it just looks like he’s wearing a nothing underneath but when he glances at himself in the mirror, doesn’t mind it as he looks cute. He tries his best to get rid of the taste of beer in his mouth by brushing his teeth with his finger and some tooth paste and then runs a hand through the hair that Vernon did a good job messing up.

 

When he re-enters Vernon’s room, he finds Vernon in bed, against the wall making a little space for Seungkwan next to him and Seungkwan just feel his knees wobble and shake as he makes his way next to him. He turns the light off so the only source of illumination is coming from Vernon’s lamp on his bed side table and climbs in, feeling oddly domestic.

 

“I can’t believe you look better in my own clothes than I do,” Vernon scoots back to make more room for Seungkwan although he already has a feeling that sleeping together in a single bed is a recipe for disaster.

 

Seungkwan scoffs and presses himself up against Vernon, his legs having no choice but to entangle with Vernon’s. They lie like that for a while until Seungkwan clears his throat and begins; “So, about this.”

 

Vernon tilts his head so he can get a better view of Seungkwan in the bad lighting. “What about this?”

 

“Well, about our whole relationship in general. I like you. A lot.” Vernon face heats up at the revelation but Seungkwan continues. “And after today, I don’t think we can be the same way we were before. I mean, do you _still_ want to carry on as friends?”

 

“I don’t know.” Vernon confesses. “This is scary for me. When I’m here with you and kissing you or just even speaking to you, it feels good. It feels right. But then when you’re gone and I’m left to think about us – that’s a different story. I’ve talked about it with Mingyu and he tells me it’s normal to feel strange after having feelings for a guy. It’s just new to me.”

 

“So, what you’re trying to say is that you’re still not sure about us, about this, right?” Seungkwan asks, a little fed up at this point. Vernon slowly nods and Seungkwan sighs. “I like you, I’ve already said I do. I’m just afraid you’ll never like me half as much as I like you. I don’t like being lead on and I’m not gonna be stuck here waiting for you to just make up your mind.” He’s frustrated. Vernon understands – he has every right to be. Seungkwan has been tailing him for months and has gone home to Wonwoo confused and upset, being afraid of rejection. He doesn’t see the point in pursuing a relationship that can disintegrate in the blink of an eye because Vernon is ‘unsure’ and afraid of his feelings. Seungkwan would much rather be hurt now.

 

“Please, just give me time. And don’t be mad at me, I don’t want to see you upset over this. I like you, too. Too much.” Vernon mutters softly, his voice raspy from speaking so quietly.

 

“Just please don’t hurt me.” Seungkwan hates how vulnerable and needy he sounds – he’s used to being loud and passive-aggressive when it comes to loaded subjects but there’s something about Vernon that brings the weak side of him out and he hates that.

 

“I don’t intend on doing so.”

 

Seungkwan turns so his back is against Vernon’s chest. He goes to turn the light off and they’re soon plunged into darkness, the only sound audible is the beating of each other’s hearts and their slow breathing that matches up.

 

Vernon wraps his arms around Seungkwan, his legs too, and brings him closer so that there’s no chance of him falling out of the bed. Seungkwan hopes he doesn’t fall. Falling for Vernon is enough for him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate angst, I love angst. I love hurting myself like this.
> 
> anyways, thank you all for the lovely comments; they keep pushing me to actually update lmao
> 
> ((this isn't beta'd so sorry for any mistakes))


	7. 7 - anywhere.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lost & confued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y0 this is .. not my best lmao but all writing is ! progress !  
> im sorry for making u wait so long for an update i , dont have an excuse apart from the fact that this ive been trying out different writing styles and although this is comfortable, i wanna explore more ! with words !  
> im determined to finish this fic though but ill hopefully be posting something else on ao3!! :0  
> lol thank u for waiting and thank u for reading ily:))))<333  
> p.s. this is super unbeta'd just like half my shit is lmao

Seungkwan wakes up with drool on his shoulder and his leg dangling out of the bed. Vernon’s arms are around him and though it’s meant to be an endearing sight, the smell of old beer and pure _staleness_ that radiates out of Vernon’s gaping maw wakes Seungkwan up. He nudges the sleeping boy once with his elbow, praying to god that he wakes up quickly before Seungkwan pisses on his bed. He really needs to pee.

 

The legs wrapped around him are pried off and to Seungkwan’s surprise, Vernon sleeps his way through the violent action. He rushes to the bathroom where he goes to pee and then catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror with the worst bed hair ever and a big-ass dark patch on the shoulder of his shirt where Vernon had emptied his saliva on.  Seungkwan cringes, thinking how disgusting it is.

 

He goes back into Vernon’s room where he’s _still_ sleeping, rummages the floor for his own shirt and then puts it on, borrowing Vernon’s deodorant that leaves him smelling like Seungcheol a.k.a. like a boy in middle school who is trying to score some ladies with his scent. He then puts his culottes on and his shoes and grabs one of the empty cans off the floor. He throws it at Vernon and lands near the bed frame, making a loud noise as it makes contact with the wood. _How is he still sleeping?_ He grabs another can and this time hits Vernon right on the forehead which causes him to stir around and groan but not fully wake up. Seungkwan wishes he could sleep that well.

 

As a last plan, Seungkwan gets a hold of his phone and finds the most annoying song in his playlist; _Closer_ by the Chainsmokers, and cups the speakers to amplify the sound as he nears Vernon. Now _this_ wakes Vernon up. He groans and opens his eyes and Seungkwan laughs so hard when Vernon begins swearing at him to ‘ _Turn that shit off, it’s eight in the morning, for fucks sake!’_ Seungkwan just dances along, mouthing the lyrics as Vernon throws one, _two_ pillows at him. Seungkwan could get used to this.

 

“I’ve got a 9 am class and you have a car so I’m taking this as a chance for you to act like my private driver.” Seungkwan says, putting an end to Vernon’s misery by pausing the song.

 

“Campus is only 15 mins away, Seungkwan.” Vernon rolls his eyes and runs a hand through his terribly messy bed head. “I’m not your chauffer.”

 

“I need to meet up with Wonwoo to tell him how much I hate you; and I need coffee…” Seungkwan says. “I mean, I could walk but then you’d have to live with the fact that you made me do exercise – not a clever move.”

 

The brunette throws the covers off him and grabs the nearest hoodie and sweatpants. “Fine, just give me two minutes to sort out my hair.” He rushes out the room, grabbing the deodorant on his way out and giving himself a spray. Now they both smell like pubescent boys.

 

They drive back whilst Vernon plays a CD unknown to Seungkwan and mouths along to random verses of rap he’s memorised, while Seungkwan just looks out the window to the pink sky brightening the horizon.

 

“I wish I had my camera right now – you look like a meme.” Vernon looks at him for a fraction of a second, refraining from taking his eyes off the road. He elaborates; “The ‘ _when will my husband return from war’_ meme.”

 

Seungkwan gives him a look that just signals ‘shut up’. He then laughs as he catches his reflection on a shop-front window outside as they make a stop because he actually does.  “I look like I want to die.”

 

Vernon snorts as he pulls over by the street close to the coffee shop that Wonwoo and Seungkwan meet up at every morning. Seungkwan looks at him when they stop; “How did you know it was here?”

 

“You always put it on your Snapchat, how am I supposed to _not_ know?” Vernon says. “’ _Caramel Macchiato with an extra shot of coffee,’”_ Vernon imitates Seungkwan. “’ _Oh my god, I can’t believe they spelt my name wrong again – who the fuck is even called_ San Juan _? Angry emoji, sad emoji, thumbs down emoji.’”_ He teases.

 

Seungkwan tries so hard not to punch him at how accurate he is at describing his Snapchat and instead retaliates with making fun of the other too. “’ _Hahaha guys, it’s 4:20 blaze it exdee.’_ Oh and then my favourite tweet of yours; ‘ _Is it cannibalism if a cow drinks milk?’”_ Vernon nudges him and undoes his seat belt for him.

 

“You have lost your right to sit in my car now – your comebacks are too harsh.”

 

“You just can’t comprehend how dumb you really are, Vernon. Bye, kiss.” Seungkwan sarcastically says as he hauls himself out.

“Seungkwan, wait,” Vernon hesitates in saying after Seungkwan closes the passenger door shut. Seungkwan stops in his tracks and turns to face him. “Sorry. About yesterday.”

“Me too.” Seungkwan says. “Now, get back quickly – photography’s today and you don’t want to miss spending time with me,” he sticks his tongue out and waves goodbye as Vernon drives off with a half-hearted smile and his hands tapping on the wheel.

 

When Seungkwan enters the familiar café, his senses are hit by the empowering smell of ground up coffee. Wonwoo turns his head towards him as the little bell attached to the door rings and starts waving in Seungkwan’s direction, signalling to their usual table at the corner of the café. The café has always been one of Wonwoo and Seungkwan’s favourites. At the beginning of the year, they had stumbled upon its grounds and had been comforted by the warm atmosphere of the whole venue; with its small fake fireplace in the corner and the assortment of wooden chairs carved perfectly to fit the picturesque vibe. Not to mention the hot guy working at the till. After catching a glimpse of ‘ _Soonyoung_ ’ (the unfortunate cashier), the two vowed to make a reoccurring visit to…check up.

 

Seungkwan takes a seat in the chair, looks over at Soonyoung behind the counter and sends him a nod, signalling for his usual order. He then sits with his legs crossed, smelling a bit too boyish for his own liking and showering in the suspense he’s causing as Wonwoo waits for him to tell him _everything._ Although Wonwoo looks disinterested and bored, Seungkwan knows that deep down he wants to know every last detail of what happened last night with Vernon so he tells him. Everything.

 

“You _what?”_ Wonwoo says, reclining back on his chair and sipping on his chai latte. “So you felt his dick on your leg and told him to stop. Are you sure you’re okay?”

 

Seungkwan kicks him from under the table. “ _Yes,_ I’m okay – I just have standards, Wonwoo. I’m not letting his dick in me unless we’re in a relationship - he knows that and he just kind of, ‘ _meh’_ ed the whole situation. What kind of boy does that? He was like, ‘ _um, okay. I’ll sleep_.’”

 

“Are you sure he’s a fuckboy?” Wonwoo asks.

 

“Well he dresses like one and I’ve seen all these girls hanging around him like he’s some sort of God. In other words, yes.” Seungkwan says.

 

“I’m honestly kind of shocked he valued your opinion, as much of a fuckboy he is. He seems to be aware of your feelings – I guess that can be perceived as a rather…good quality about him.”

 

“Yeah, he cares so much about my feelings that he blatantly rejects me and tells me he just likes making out with me. Cute.” Seungkwan rolls his eyes sarcastically and sips on the straw of the Frappuccino Soonyoung brought over while the two were too busy ranting. “No offence to myself, but I hate me. Why do I still like him? Why am I such a good person?”

 

“It’s charity, Seungkwan.” Wonwoo boosts his ego. “Think of this as fixing the broken – fuckboy into boyfriend.”

 

“Your ideas are always so terrible, I don’t know why I ever listened to you.”

 

“Oh shit, I forgot to tell you. Guess who I bumped into whilst I was walking here.”

 

“Mingyu?” Seungkwan guesses, fully knowing who it is by the colour of Wonwoo’s cheeks.

 

“How did you know? Yeah, Mingyu. I was walking and texting you and then suddenly _bam,_ I knock into him on the street and he drops his textbooks on the sidewalk so being the remarkable person I am, I help him gather his shit and then walk him half way to campus because I needed to kill time.” Wonwoo says and then lunges his hand into his pocket. He discreetly takes a torn post-it note and slides it across the table so Seungkwan can see. It has Mingyu’s number neatly scrawled on it and at the bottom it reads ’ _From the cute guy who thinks you’re cute. Text me?’_

 

Seungkwan squeals. He breathes out; “ _Wonwoo.”_ He then starts laughing. “You’re getting some.”

 

“Don’t say that, that’s ugly. Now that he knows who I am, history’s going to be hell – he’s too pretty for his own good and his face in itself is so distracting. My _C_ is gonna turn into a _D_ real quick.” Wonwoo scoffs.

 

“That’s not the only _D_ you’ll be getting,” Seungkwan nudges Wonwoo and winks at him, sipping on his drink while trying to contain his laughter.

 

“Stop.” Wonwoo shakes his head and finishes off the last of the froth at the bottom of his cup. “You ready to go?” He asks once Seungkwan has finished scooping out the last bits of ice that’s gathered in his cup and together they leave (not before paying for their drinks and giving a very generous tip to Soonyoung who winks at them in return with his infectious smile. It leaves the two in a happy mood for the rest of the morning.)

 

 

 

 

~~~

 

 

 

 

Seungkwan arrives promptly to his afternoon photography lesson, his newly changed clothes consisting of a simple striped t-shirt, plaid trousers and some checkboard black and white Vans – if fashion could kill, everyone around Seungkwan would be dead. As he makes his way into his usual seat, he scrunches his brows in confusion as Vernon hasn’t arrived. The blonde is looking forward to tormenting Vernon and just _speaking_ to him, to be honest. He’s really in too deep.

 

The clock ticks by, the sounds of shoes squeaking along the rubber floor and the constant noise of the a/c make Seungkwan paranoid; _where is he? Is he okay? He never misses any classes._ He chews on his pen and taps his shoes on the rubber floor when the professor starts the lecture. _Strange._

 

Half way through the lecture, Seungkwan gets his phone out of his back and begins to type up a quick text to Vernon.

**lol where are you, dumbass  
** sent at 12:03

 

Another twenty minutes go by – no reply.

**uh are you dead  
** sent at 12:24

 

 **ok um, the prank police are here !!1! you got me !!1!**  
seriously choi where did you disappear to  
sent at 12:26

**iknow we’re not like //a thing// but you’re forgetting the**  
fact that we kind of are so im trying not to act like  
your boyfriend but its hard when u don’t ! tell !  
me ! where ! you ! are ! and ! you ! disappear !  
suddenly ! …. lol  
sent at 12:37

**ive been watching ncsi I know how to hunt u down  
** sent at 12:52

The bell rings at exactly 4 o’clock and Seungkwan scuttles out, barely able to put his notepad filled with doodles into his bag. He makes a straight line to the history department where he knows Wonwoo is finishing up on. He waits outside the door, his fingers instinctively on his septum ring.

 

Two minutes pass by until he hears the people inside the class tuck in their chairs and make ruckus as they lounge for the door. Seungkwan has to remember to step out of the way in order to not get trampled on by unhappy teens who are all probably suffering from mild hangovers – it’s the way of life when you’re in university. Seungkwan reaches out for Wonwoo’s arm when he spots him leaving in the crowd of unidentifiable people; he holds on tight and drags him out to the side of the corridor so they’re not in anyone’s way. “Where’s Mingyu?” Seungkwan asks, ignoring Wonwoo’s raising brows. Wonwoo points back into the classroom.

 

“In there – I was just waiting out here for him.”

 

Seungkwan motions for Wonwoo to stay outside as he peaks his head through the door frame and spots Mingyu on the floor picking up his spilt bag. _Typical_.

 

Seungkwan clears his throat and Mingyu shifts his gaze from his belongings to Seungkwan, where he greets him with his signature smile that accents his way-too-bright teeth.

 

“Seungkwan,” Mingyu says, stuffing his books and pens into his bag. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Uh,” Seungkwan shuffles awkwardly on the balls of his heel. “Do you know where Vernon is?”

 

“Nope.” Mingyu makes a popping sound with his mouth. “His car wasn’t parked when I went back in there to get my bag this morning.”

 

“Oh.”

  
“Why? Did you leave something behind? You can come look inside if you wa-“

 

“Nah, it’s all good. I tried texting him but he’s not replying and he’s always on his phone so I assumed the worst, you know?”

 

“Wonwoo and I are about to catch a movie so if I leave you with my keys, you can look in there if you really can’t sleep at night. God, you like him more than his own mother does.” Mingyu laughs and Seungkwan scoffs at him.

 

“Shut up. Also, don’t watch some shitty love movie with lots of dialogue in it just because you’re an Eng-lit major – Wonwoo likes the weird shit…he has the attention span of a fucking fly so watch some action or horror film, I don’t know. Just for the love of God, no rom-coms, ” Seungkwan suggests and Mingyu thanks him as he slings his bag around his shoulders.

 

“Catch,” he throws Seungkwan the keys from his pocket and Seungkwan barely manages to catch them and for a moment feels as dumb as Mingyu acts. Only for a moment, though, and then he feels the intellectual rush back into him as he grips tightly onto the keys attached to a dumb pom-pom keychain. “Put them under the plant pot near the elevator when you’re done with them,” Mingyu says and then waves good-bye as he makes an exit with Wonwoo trailing behind and swatting him on the shoulder after probably saying-something stupid (Seungkwan can only presume).

 

Seungkwan thinks he can allow his memory to test him as he weaves his ways on foot through campus and out onto the busy streets at rush hour towards Vernon’s dorm, which, conveniently, is a lot closer to the history department than he thought. His two-day-old shirt is starting to smell musky and the afternoon sunshine is certainly not helping this and neither is the fact that his speed-walking is by far the most exercise he’s done in months – it’s not that he hates sports and working-out, but lately with all this ‘love drama’ (if you can even consider it that) and not to mention the terrible assignments his professors have been giving him, he’s simply not had enough time to even go for a quick jog without letting his mind desert his body and worry about useless shit he should be doing instead of being outside.

 

After a long fifteen minute walk/run, Seungkwan arrives at Vernon’s dorm, recognising the beige exterior immediately as he runs up the steps of the entrance and takes a sharp turn to the staircase where he climbs the four floors agonisingly, wishing that he had remembered to put socks on because he can feel blisters forming in his Old Skool Vans.

He didn’t see Vernon’s car parked out, so he guesses that he isn’t inside, but it doesn’t hurt to check, does it? Seungkwan walks down the corridor, stopping by the correct dorm and knocks first, out of courtesy. With no reply present, he jams the key inside the keyhole, opens the door and finds… absolutely nothing out of the ordinary inside. The kitchen is still piling with dishes, underwear still hangs drying on the lampshade by the couch, and when Seungkwan pokes his head inside Vernon’s room, everything is the same as Vernon left it this morning before he dropped Seungkwan off.

Seungkwan goes to sit down on his bed, mentally tired and emotionally drained, but something hard hits his bum and he jumps up, surprised.

“What the fuck?” he reaches for the object. In his hand, he holds Vernon’s phone with a shit load of messages popping up as he presses the home button. _Interesting_.

Seungkwan sits there looking at the mobile device, emptying his head for some sort of rational explanation as of why that dumb-ass Vernon would disappear out of no-where with his car and not even take his phone with him. Was he kid-napped? _No, because let’s face it, what use would he be?_ Was he murdered? _Yet again, why would anyone murder him – to steal his money? Last time Seungkwan checked, Vernon was also a broke uni-student, so….no?_ Did he run away to the country to start a new life as a farmer? _What the fuck kind of theory is that?_

Seungkwan holds onto his temples, the whole situation being mind boggling to him.

All he can do now, he guesses, is wait for answers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
